This is a Recap of Lost Season 6, Episode 12 entitled “Everybody Loves Hugo”, originally airing April 13, 2010. Surprisingly, for the first time ever, this week’s Recap actually doesn’t contain any spoilers, so please read on if you haven’t watched the episode. The majority of the post is actually a detailed diatribe about the Mumia Abu-Jamal trial, with several references to pre-Production Code silent cinema. Just felt like switchin’ it up.
AD-LIBBYING (OR, DIED CHICKEN)
This week’s flash-side opened with Pierre Chang honoring Hurley with a pathetically uninsulting roast, culminating with the titular line “Everybody loves Hugo,” an inverse reference to the Season 2 episode “Everybody Hates Hugo,” as well as the popular long-running Ray Romano CBS show, “Hugohaterz”. In this reality, Hugo not only still owns the Mr. Cluck’s Chicken Shack franchise, he’s also built it into a worldwide fast food empire overlooking the Pyramids and used his fortune to become a renowned philanthropist who’s got everything in the world except — uh oh, here comes his mother from a Mad TV sketch — a lady friend! I’ll bet if Hurley went to Desmond’s hospital, he’d have to put the chicken shack as his emergency contact! Then he’d die and they’d call the shack and no one would know.
Hurley gets set up on a date with some random Hispanic name that I don’t feel like looking up — Mexico? — and Hurley’s stuck eating bowls of chips by himself which I’m SURE HE REALLY HATES AMIRIGHT!!! (Awww man, sending that line back in time so Dr. Chang can use it in his speech, it’ll kill. I’m setting off another bomb to make this happen.) Suddenly, a figure looms over the bemenued Hugo…could it be Libby?? Surprise! It IS exactly the person you thought it was before they even did the token “back of head” flash-sideways shot!
Libby tells Hurley “I don’t want to freak you out, but you’re my frickin’ soul mate and your chicken commercial made be believe visions of you,” and before Hurley can be like, “Well siddown and start chippin’ it up!” the senator from X-Men shows up and directs Libby back to her short bus (the Filter album, not the vehicle). Hurley buries his depression in a family-sized bucket of chicken, or as he calls it, LUNCH! – Dr. Chang also says this in the post-bomb roast I was just talking about. Just then, the order #42 is called out — forty-two, eh?? Pretty meaningfullllll… uniform number of Jackie Robinson when he broke the island barrier — and wouldn’t ya know it, it’s Desmond, who may have an alterior motive, or may just be in the mood for some fried brothah.
Desmond strikes up a conversation with Hurley, attempting to disguise his obvious intent with his Euro-charm, and after squeezing Hurley’s Libby story out of him, innocently suggests “Maybe you should talk to her if she’s seeing magic f***ing visions of you.” Hurley agrees, and Desmond’s covert little “push” is successful — nice Jacob impression, Desmond! Ooh, ooh! Now do Columbo! There’s just one more thing, brothah! Wooo!!! Paragraph cocktail party!!
While that paragraph is entertaining its New Yorker friends, this paragraph is explaining that Hurley bribes X-Men senator with a $100,000 donation to his hospital gameroom — solid gold Connect Fours for all! — and earns a conversation with Libby, who’s there voluntarily (d’oh!) and agrees to go out with Hurley…You mean, on a date? [Instant lawsuit from every high school movie from 1979-2001... let's just ignore that line...] They spend the afternoon at Island Replica Beach, where a combination of the oceanfront, Libby kissing him, and a Kodiak bear running amok finally cause Hurley to have his Libby visions! Welcome to the Island Knower Abouter Club, Hugo! Too bad you didn’t get here before we chose its terrible name.
Desmond = Mission accomplished. Time to go spy on some kids and run over cripples! Or as Hurley calls it, LUNCH! Still on a roll!!!!!
After the jump, those things I just talked about happen:
HURLEY BLOWS IT – GOODLIKE!
Meanwhile, on the is’ (I’m abbreviating it at this point cause we’re on such familiar terms), Ilana and Richard are proceeding with their plan to blow up the plane so Locke doesn’t fly to Vegas or whatever, but Hurley gets a visit from an old friend: Well, not friend, but a dude who used to be on the show: Michael. [When Michael appeared, my friend joked "How I do I know you're really Michael?" "Sigh... My sonnn..." "Whoa, Michael!"] Michael tells Hurley that he can’t let Ilana blow up the plane because all of his friends would be killed, but Hurley’s skeptical, partly because Michael once shot his girlfriend and partly because everything anyone does on this show is allegedly going to get everyone killed, so why exert the effort?
Hurley casually mentions his doubts about the plan to Richard, who’s about to shrug him off when suddenly, Ilana explodes, and everyone’s like “Whoa, hold the coconut phone! Let’s talk about this!” Richard isn’t deterred by Ilana blowing up, and proceeds with the pre-she-just-effing-exploded plan, but his momentum is again dashed when Hurley detonates all the dynamite, inviting another round of intense Charlie Brown-esque “You can’t do anything right!” criticism from his peers. Yeah – can’t do anything right like a fox!
Hurley sticks to his guns (the guns of a mostly uninteresting dead character) and tells the group they have to talk to Locke, and when Richard gets uncharacteristically angry (the Youtube vid of him losing his sh*t may cost him in the next Gotham election), Hurley tells the group that he’s talking to Jacob and that Jacob wants them to talk to Locke. Richard is again skeptical and tells Hurley to ask Jacob “what the island is,” and Hurley’s like, “You’ll have to trust me. What’s that now, Jacob? You want me to eat a whole tree? You got it!” Richard draws a line in the sand (not literally lol) and tells people to make their choice, and gets Ben and Miles on his three-on-three basketball team, while Jack bucks the trend and goes with Hurley, which makes Hurley instantly nervous because he knows whatever Jack decides is stupid.
They proceed off into the forest, with Jack primed and ready to look like a giant p*ssy the moment he sees Locke.
WELL WELL WELL (THE REAL WELL WAS THE SECOND ONE)
Sayid brings Locke to Desmond, who’s tied to a tree and still supernaturally calm, and after a brief conversation about Desmond’s button-pushing duties, Locke tells him the island maayyy be holding a grudge against him – “Just a rumor, though, a little birdie told me. And that bird was EKO!” Locke tells Des “Come with me, I want to throw you something. SHOW you something, show you something. Not throw. Why’d I say throw? No one’s throwing anyone in any wells. What? Stop breathing at me like that!”
Along the way, Locke and Desmond lock(e) eyes with the Jacob ghost kid, who Desmond is able to see just like Sawyer was, but Locke tells Desmond “Just ignore that smiling magic ghost kid who looks like the god of the island, why would he be in any way important?” Locke takes Desmond to the old stone well, throws a torch down it, and explains that because that well is deep and old, Charles Widmore just wants power and doesn’t care about the island. Desmond’s like, “I follow that logic.” Locke gets pissed that Desmond isn’t afraid of him, and with Ilana-exploding speed, throws Desmond down the well and delivers the Arnold one liner, “Ahhl’s well dat ends well!”
Upon his return, Locke is soon greeted by Hurley, who gets him to agree to a truce (even though Locke can’t kill the candidates, right?) and Locke gives Hurley his knife as a sign of sportsmanship (even though Hurley can’t kill Locke with it, right? Is anyone actually making a compromise here?) Hurley tells his comrades to come out of the woods, and Jack, Sun, and Frank (still on the show!) emerge from the woods. Jack and Locke lock(e) eyes, and Jack looks really cartoonishly timid, while Locke looks like, 5% too orgasmy. To be continued.
THE ONE WHERE DESMOND RUNS OVER THE WHEELCHAIR MAN
In the final scene of the episode, Desmond is hanging out in the parking lot of Ben’s Murder Academy — “Whoa, someone call Chris Hansen!” – Every Standup Comedian in 2007 — and when Ben confronts Desmond asking why he’s hanging out in the parking lot of a school, Demond’s says he’s looking for a school for his sonCHARLIE! Ben figures, “Hm, you said a first name real fast, so you can’t be a molester,” and he’s right — all Desmond wants to do is RUN OVER WHEELCHAIR-BOUND LOCKE. And boy, does he ever. LOST.
Are we to assume Desmond’s goal with Locke is the same as with Hurley, to make him remember the island? We’ve learned that the memory flashes aren’t necessarily triggered by seeing a “true love,” even though that’s what happened to Hurley and Charlie (and possibly Sawyer when he saw Kate at the end of his ep) but that’s just one way of them happening; Desmond’s own flashes happened when Charlie replicated being underwater and putting his hand up against glass, not when he saw Penny.
But what happens if Desmond succeeds in getting everyone to question the flash-sideways reality? Do they have to go back? How would they do that and what would it even accomplish? Desmond trying to get all the islanders together in the flash sideways vaguely resembles Locke trying to get all the candidates together on the island — is it a race? And what does Charles Widmore want, other than that powerwell?
Oh also, Michael admitted that the whispers on the island are the ghost people trapped there. We figured that out two seasons ago, Lost, but thanks for making it not that.
Looking forward to next week’s Willy Wonka episode — who’s gonna have a millipede on their face during the “why the f*** are kids watching this” boat montage? C’monnnnnnn Jack…
Episode thoughts, questions, theories, favorite/least favorite parts, heartfelt Ilana eulogies — leave ‘em in the comments! Only four episodes left, then we’re stuck discussing Minute To Win It.