Sandra Bullock Jewishly Circumsized Her Adopted Baby Or Something

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Here are a picture and a headline that appeared on the Huffington Post yesterday evening.

For those of you who don’t know, a Bris is the ceremony during which Jewish baby boys get circumcised.  So, there are a whole lot of questions that this picture/headline combination raises.  Probably most of you already know that Sandra Bullock adopted a baby from New Orleans.  I did not know that when I read this.  So I was confused X 80.  I was all, “Sandra Bullock has a baby, Sandra Bullock has a Jewish Baby?  And the Jewish baby is black?  How did…what?”

At this point I was thinking that perhaps Sandra Bullock could have been Jewish all along without me knowing. I doubted it though; I have pretty good Jew-dar.  And I was pretty positive I’d already know if she were black, because they only thing more sensitive than my Jew-dar is my black-dar.

Anyway, it turns out, as you know, that the baby is adopted and also Sandra Bullock is not Jewish.  The Bris is just a weird thing she did.  But, Noah, how do you know for sure she’s not Jewish? Oh, because I found a website:  www.jewornotjew.com, which is apparently a thing that exists and is like a terrifying version of the Hot or Not website.  And what I learned is that Sandra Bullock for sure is not Jewish, but still got a six on some kind of weird Jew scale.

That is an actual screen grab from their Sandra Bullock page.  Is it offensive?  Ani lo yodeah!  (Hebrew for “I don’t know!”)

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