We got him! A few hours ago, the man believed to be behind the attempted car bombing in Times Square was taken into custody. He is a man named Faisal Shahzad and he looks like this:
Awesome beard that doesn’t connect to your mustache, bro. Based on his appearance, it is no surprise whatsoever that he is an a**hole. Like, obviously he’s an a**hole. But what is surprising is which kind of a**hole he turned out to be. He seems way less terrorism a**holey and way more won’t-stop-talking-about-beer-pong a**holey. This guy got his a**holes confused!
Anyway, nice car bomb, a**hole. Have fun in jail.