Andy Rooney Has Had It With Our “Biebers” and Our “Gagas” and Our “Hatred of Olds”


Andy Rooney is nothing if not a living memorial to wheat pennies and velocipedes. He is the resident elderly bastion of weakness and confusion over at CBS’ 60 Minutes, a show whose very own theme is counting down the seconds until Rooney drops d.

Look, we love Andy Rooney and want him to live for thousands of eons, until he is not even human anymore but moreso an angry old robot, a bitter Bicentennial Man. However, last night’s rant about current musical acts that have evaded “Rooney’s Radar” (coined by us) is the sort of rambling that even a slightly less senile version of himself would admit is a little much. (Sentence wormhole, we digress.)

Andy’s examples of “current” musicians include Sting and The Rolling Stones, a band best known for their cameo as the Ghost Bones in Pirates of the Caribbean. Today’s artists confuse him, like that coquettish young tomato he’s stuck on with the gams that don’t quit, Justin Bieber. Andy, if you’re reading, it’s OK: He confuses everyone. And how.

Grab a blackberry cobbler and enjoy this:

Rooney’s the greatest.

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