To begin this Glee-cap, a video: The Best Moments of Neil Patrick Harris on Glee:
That last note is my new ringtone.
When I first heard that the title of last night’s Joss Whedon helmed episode of Glee was “Dream On,” a small part of me prayed for an appearance by Brian Benben from the 1990 HBO-titled series of the same name. Sadly, Benben was nowhere to be found — and neither was Wendie Malick, for that matter.
Leave it to primetime television savior Neil Patrick Harris to make us forget about our Benben woes and focus, instead, on one of the best episode of Glee from both seasons. “Dream On” delivered almost everything we’ve come to expect from Glee: Talent, heartache, longing (birth mothers, working legs, etc.), and simultaneous Matthew Morrison and Neil Patrick Harris orgasms. Add to that mix song cameos from Les Miserables and The Mamas and the Papas, and it looks like that note I tucked into the Wailing Wall last year is finally coming true.
For starters, we got our hands on some of Mr. Schuester’s vacation photos:
Oh, JK, that Matthew Morrison’s T-1000 impression for an upcoming Vogue fashion spread. His fabdominals look like they’re becoming “self-avare.”
Back to Glee! Neil Patrick Harris plays a character named Brian Ryan, Will Schuester’s high school glee nemesis. Today, he spends his time as a professional dream crusher on the school board. He visits New Directions and asks them to write their dreams down. Then, NPH whips out his 98 foot long d and proceeds to pee all over those dreams. He’s cutting their budget. It’s final. Did we say “final”? We meant, it’s “Let Me Take You Out For Some Beers and Change Your Mind with Some Billy Joel-inal.”
Schue changes his mind, and encourages Bryan Ryan to audition alongside him for an upcoming local production of Les Miserables. It is at this point that myself, the creators of South Park, and Colm Wilkinson got SUPER F**KING JAZZED. Glee + Les Miserables = Les Jizzerables.
Sadly, Neil did not gently cradle Matthew Morrison in the most self-touching edition of “A Little Fall of Rain.” Why? Because the song is not called “A Little Dream of Rain” or “A Little Fall of Dream” or “Dream Little Dream Dream Rain.” And remember, this is Glee, where every song must have the show’s theme taken into consideration. So, they dueted a moving-down-there rendition of Aerosmith’s “Dream On.” (video ahead!)
Why they left out Bryan Ryan’s anger sex scene with Sue Sylvester is almost unforgivable.
Meanwhile, on the same side of town…
Let’s talk about dreams some more, OK? Like how about Artie, as an example. Kid’s in a wheelchair but he wants to be a dancer. Tough luck kid, you are saying now. Polio crutches and all.
But wait a second… you know what? No. You’re a dream crusher (sung to the “Wheel Watcher” theme.) Because here in the land of make believe and former boy banders on rolly seats, we’ve got a little thing called THE DREAM SEQUENCE.
Artie has got some moves. Can you imagine how different his life would be if he could walk? It would be…
…exactly like when Kevin McHale, the actor who plays Artie, was in a f**king boy band. True story: I called my BFF up after the show and said, “It’s so sad… he’s such a good dancer but he’s in that chair.” I was reassured that the actor playing Artie can still very much dance in real life. Me get confused sometimes. End of story: Artie will probably never be able to dance, thanks to a reassuring speech from a woman who will also probably never be able to rid herself of cow eyes. (Emma Pillsbury)
And finally, the third installment of last night’s melodrama. Rachel wants to find her birth Mom. Can you guess who it is? M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN ALERT: Well it just happens to be Rachel’s 20 years older identical twin who is also a singer on the show, Idina Menzel. The woman who also happens to coach the rival glee club, “Vocal Adrenaline.” This is the acting equivalent of Joey Lauren Adams looking for her birth mom and real life and finding out it’s Jewel. It is… hmm, what’s the term? Not a f**king surprise at all.
But how is Rachel’s dream going to be realized? Well, thanks to the help of her super hot, steam-faced boyfriend Jesse St. James, played by Broadway great Jonathan Groff. He slips her a tape of Idina Menzel singing a song to her long lost daughter. And now, we launch into a duet that caused many a saltduct to be sprung from America’s eyes… “I Dreamed a Dream.” I would have thought Susan Boyle’s rendition would have ruined it for me forever. And it still kind of did. But you know what took care of that? THE HOT SALTWATER LAVA RUNNING INTO MY MOUTH BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH AMEEEZEEENG.
Then, we ended on The Mamas and The Papas, with a “Dream a Little Dream of Me” sequence that was under cut only by the slightly cheesy slow tap number happening right in front of Artie’s adorable little animal face and eyes.
We pretty much overall loved the episode, even with the almost inexcusable lack of Sue Sylvester. “Dream On” finally fulfilled OUR dream of seeing Neil Patrick Harris do something mildly sexual with a one foot radius of Matthew Morrison. What’d you guys think of the episode?