As a longtime fan of Sex and The City, we’re actually really disappointed to hear that Sarah Jessica Parker recently said she hopes to make a third movie. Look, I loved the series and I liked the first film (and watch it whenever it’s on HBO), but this sequel was a giant turd and I really don’t think a third movie is in the best interest of the franchise. Here are a few reasons why (minor spoilers ahead!):
1. The Puns
Okay, we’re all used to Carrie Bradshaw and her clever-and-sometimes-cringey puns. But this movie was chock full of lazy writing and terrible puns that actually made me slap my forehead in disgust a couple times. “Abu Dhabi Doo!”, “I’m going through a mid-wife crisis” and camel toe jokes after Charlotte falls off an actual camel? Michael Patrick King should be ashamed of himself, those aren’t funny, they’re just dumb.
2. Can’t Touch This
Again, we’re used to Carrie and Co. being fashion forward but by our count there were about three pairs of Hammer pants in this film and in 2010, that’s three pair too many. And that says nothing of Carrie’s crimped wedding hair. If costume designer Pat Field keeps pushing the envelope like this, the envelope is gonna start to push back.
3. Everything Ties Up In A Little Designer Bow
The beauty of the series was that Carrie’s life was a mess and usually she made mistakes that were relatable and made her sympathetic. In this film, she is so shrewish and annoying (I don’t know anyone that would turn down a gift of a flat-screen TV and get all pissy at their husband for buying it – remember, in this movie money is no object so it clearly wasn’t something that broke the bank) and she morphed into the least likable character of the bunch. But in the end, Carrie learned to love the TV, Miranda conveniently quit her old job and got a new one she loooved, Charlotte’s children became well-behaved, and Samantha f***ed a guy on a Hummer just like the olden days, despite being old and hormonal*. And they all lived happily ever after. Sure.
4. No Sex and No City
Aside from the aforementioned sex on a car hood, there wasn’t actually any sex in the film at all, just a bunch of stereotypes of frazzled women and the men who put up with them. And since the bulk of the film was set in Abu Dhabi and not New York, we missed that element of the show – both movies actually have taken these women out of the city and thrown them together on vacation – that’s fine, but why ruin a good thing the series had going? A million girls moved to the city because of this series, why deny them the opportunity to gaze on Carrie’s life in present day New York? It would definitely be more fun.
5. *Speaking of Old
As for the age thing, these women have proven that they’re all beautiful and stylish but this film lit them to look like they had wrinkles and bags under their eyes, not even trying to flatter them. We couldn’t throw these gals a bone and gotten them some good lighting?
Am I the only one that thinks that a third movie would be a huge mistake? I, and all my friends, actually kept saying that we planned to see this movie despite its awful reviews because we love the franchise…but I’m pretty certain after seeing this desert disaster that I wouldn’t spend money on a third movie. Not even if Liza Minelli made another cameo.
[Photo: Getty Images]