The Bachelorette Ups The Ante For Humiliating Reality Show Dumpings

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There are no doubt a great many of you out there who, like me, are compulsive watchers of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Well, last night, those of us who suffer through the program week after week were treated to one of the most deliciously humiliating rejections EVER captured on camera. But just in case you haven’t caught up on last night’s episode yet, we’ll keep all of the SPOILERS safe after the jump. Continue if you dare! (And you must, really!)

Phew, glad you made it! So, yeah, you remember Kasey, the guy who got an ominously weird tattoo on his forearm on last week’s episode, thinking it would help him to “guard and protect (Ali’s) heart.” (Clearly, Kasey didn’t watch the first season of Rock Of Love, or else he would’ve remembered the lesson that Heather learned about getting your body tattooed in hopes of winning a reality dating show). Well, SPOILER ALERT, it didn’t! In an outcome that even Mr. Magoo would’ve seen coming, Ali didn’t find the tattoo to be endearing or charming, she simply found it to be the act of a creepy stalker type. Hey Kasey, you do know that you were trying to win the heart of a wholesome (seeming) girl next door type, not Bombshell McGee, right?

Anyhoo, because this revelation took place near the end of a 2-on-1 date with Rated R, Ali was forced to send Kasey home. But instead of just having him pack his bags and leave his hotel with a sliver of dignity intact, the evil genius producers of The Bachelorette staged the most elaborate dumping in the history of reality television. The date had taken place on a glacier in Iceland mere steps from an active volcano spewing out lava — a volcano that may or may not have been Eyjafjallajokull, mind you! — so, of course, it would make total sense for Ali and Rated R to jet off in a helicopter, leaving a heartbroken and mentally fragile Kasey stranded in subzero temperatures without any signs of any healthy Tauntauns in the vicinity. Classic! Guess we’ll have to wait until the reunion to see if a search party led by Bj√∂rk managed to save Kasey or if he froze to death on the Arctic tundra.

PS: Nice Burberry scarf, cheeseball!