An Open Letter To The Hippie Who Saw A Double Rainbow

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There are people who’d laugh at you for weeping upon seeing a double rainbow and wanting to know what it means. Pay them no mind. They’d reduce the “meaning” of your rainbow to a double reflection of sunlight inside of raindrops. Sad, right? These people are decaying souls who’ve worked in drab concrete office buildings for so long that they’ve lost one or more of their five senses.

But you, my friend, have a sixth sense. I can tell that you have a third eye that reveals glimpses of the metaphysical. Now you just need a spiritual master to teach you how to commune with the other side without becoming overwhelmed. I know unequivocally what the double rainbow means. But I can’t tell you. You have to find out for yourself. I can only set you in the right direction on your journey towards enlightenment.

First, you must find a woman who also has a third eye. It might be difficult to know whether she has a third eye, but follow your intuition. (Hint: Women with third eyes often have very long hair parted in the middle and sometimes wear headbands and sandals. Nicole Richie, for example, has a third eye.) Once you’ve found a good woman, pack a bag full of nuts and seeds, oatmeal, honey, fragrant flowers and patchouli.

Hike deep into the woods and find a spot by a stream, river or lake. Take your clothes off. Ask the woman with the third eye to take her clothes off. She can keep on her beads or seashells, but nothing else. If she hesitates, she doesn’t have a third eye. Get rid of her and find another woman. Sit down Indian style, facing one another.

Combine all of the ingredients from your bag and rub the mixture on each other’s bodies. Make sure you don’t skip the hard-to-reach areas. If your penis becomes erect during this process, don’t be embarrassed. It’s just nature. And nothing natural will ever freak out a woman with a third eye. Repeat the following phrase to each other at least 50 times: “When you’ve seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there.” Stare deeply into each other’s eyes for at least six hours.

You will then know the meaning of the double rainbow.

Namaste,
Matt

(Thanks for the tip Liane)