Everyone’s first bone is always majorly awks. And not just the initial life-unchanging virginity stealing romp, but every first time a couple gets together in the sack. Unless, of course, you’re hammered – then it’s magical and forgettable! So it’s no surprise to hear that the first time Kendra Wilkinson straddled Hugh Hefner‘s creaky skeleton was a bit weird, but her description of consummating their “relationship” is honestly the worst first-time story we’ve ever heard – including our own. (You don’t want to know. Trust.)
Kendra is writing a book [laugh break] titled “Sliding Into Home” [second laugh break] and it in she describes the ecstatic pleasure ride that is Hugh Hefner’s gramp-peen. Take it away, Ken!
“One of the girls asked me if I wanted to go upstairs to Hef’s room. In my head I could hear my mom’s voice, ‘You know they have orgies there.’ I said ‘Okay, if I have to.’ It seemed like every other girl was going and if I didn’t it would be weird. One by one, each girl hopped on Hef and had sex with him for about a minute. I studied their every move. Then it was my turn, it was very weird. I wasn’t thinking about how much older Hef was, all the body parts worked the same. I wanted to be there.”
Let’s repeat that: One by one, each girl hopped on Hef and had sex with him for about a minute. The next time you cringe remembering that awkward day when you were 17 years old and sliding around in the back of your boyfriend’s Saab, allow those words to wash over you and ease the pain of your past. We just did.