Our Tear Ducts Weep As Claire Danes Shills For Eyelash Medicine


Dear Claire Danes,

Longtime fan, first time open letter writer Liz Black of TheFABlife here. If I may be so bold to ask, WHYYY are you doing these commercials for Latisse, the eye goo that helps your eyelashes grow to Snuffleupagus proportions? We thought you represented everything cool about under-the-radar celebrity chic and independent style. We never thought you’d consider shilling for a drug with warnings on the label like “May cause hair growth outside the intended margins“. I mean, that sounds HORRIFYING, Claire. Pretty sure even Brian Krakow wouldn’t find that sexy, leaning in for a fantasy kiss with Angela Chase and realizing her eyelids are covered in tiny, ill-placed lashes.

Of course, money is money and vanity is vanity. Everyone wants beautiful, natural lashes. We can’t all be blessed with the black, eyeliner-y lashes that Lost‘s Richard Alpert has. But this Latisse stuff, once the domain of professional shiller Brooke Shields, is just weird and unnatural. And the time-lapse eyelash growth in the commercial makes it all the more creepy and gross. Look, to each his own, it’s not like you’re Heidi Montag, running off to get ten plastic surgeries here, I don’t want to beat you up over this. It’s just that that’s just IT! You’re not Heidi Montag! You’re not even Brooke Shields! You’re actual good actress Claire Danes! You don’t need this. The world doesn’t need “inadequate lashes” to become a real thing. And we don’t need the memory of you saying “Grow it! Show it!” while hairs in your eyes lengthen to the point where they need to be combed out of the way. That’s all. Loved you in Little Women.

Ever yours,

Liz at TheFABLife

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