Rachel Uchitel’s Addiction (To Something Other Than Attention)

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Tiger Woods‘ mistress Rachel Uchitel has decided to unveil her hidden addiction to Ambien to the world on the new season of Celebrity Rehab. [Ed. Note: Yay!] True to form, the Tiger TMI train obviously started chugging along with her admission. Apparently those two used to pop a tab or two before they had sex (*snort*). In leaked  emails, Rachel writes to Tiger about her possible addiction, after he asks her to score some more of the pills for the sex life. Classy! Types Tiger, “Would it be possible for you to get us some more Ambien.” Rachel wrote back saying, “Ok, but we need to talk about this. I don’t know how to deal with us possibly being addicted to prescription meds.”

We’re all so used to this now, aren’t we?  So in an attempt to not make this breaking piece of news a snoozefest, here’s a jaunty little rhyme for Rachel to drop the next time she see’s her pill poppin’ ex-lover:

Why don’t you listen Tiger, why don’t you see,
All this Ambien isn’t good for me.
We both need it way too bad
Can you even get it up without a tab?

Rachel stop worrying, and do you thing
And go and get me some more Am-bi-en.

I need some before we get it on, honey
Pop one, and I’m like the Duracell bunny.
I’m a Tiger in the bedroom, yes I am.
I got ho’s in every city, cause I’m the man.

Rachel stop worrying, and do you thing
And go and get me some more Am-bi-en.

Word.

[Photo: Getty Images]