Baskin-Robbins Down To 26 Measly Flavors After Great Ice Cream Massacre of 2010

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Are you sitting down? Baskin-Robbins, they of the famed 31 flavors, just announced that they’ll be whacking five of the company’s flavors in what some people are calling the worst thing to happen to the ice cream industry since the invention of Pinkberry. Yes, that’s right, fans of Caramel Praline Cheesecake, Campfire S’mores, Apple Pie à la Mode, Superfudge Truffle, and even the previously-thought-to-be-untouchable French Vanilla will be forced to either switch flavor allegiances or die of starvation the next time they walk into one of the nation’s 2,800 Baskin-Robbins outlets. No rationale was given by company spokespeople for how they arrived at a decision to deprive millions of hard working, tax paying Americans of their right to build their hot fudge sundaes on a base of rich, glorious, calorie-laden French Vanilla ice cream — we didn’t much care for those other flavors, truth be told — but we’re guessing that the nefarious Clint Howard had something to do with it.

We need to band together to fight this cold-hearted decision made by corporate bureaucrats who only care about the bottom line. Don’t they understand that vanilla ice cream is little more than French Vanilla’s bitch? I, for one, am outraged. We need to take this issue to the STREETS, people! Then again, maybe I’ll just go to Haagen-Daas tonight instead. Or Ben and Jerry’s. Or Carvel. Or Cold Stone Creamery. Or Dairy Queen. Or, blech, Pinkberry.

I’ll miss you, French Vanilla. Not as much as if they took away World Class Chocolate, mind you, but I’ll miss you all the same. Godspeed.

[Thanks for the news, Grub Street. Psyche.]