If you’re ever planning to attend San Diego Comic-Con, here are ten things to keep in mind, learned firsthand from someone who’s been to the New York Con several times and still ended up vastly unprepared:
1. Everything Has A Line
Imagine a place where every event that occurs is a brand new Disney World roller coaster that just opened that morning, and if you do manage to arrive superhumanly early and wait out the line, you have an outside chance of possibly getting to ride that roller coaster, and also that roller coaster is the producer of Bones talking about what it’s like to hang out on set with T.J. Thyne.
When I got back to my hotel room afterward, there was a line for the minibar!!!!!! HEYYYYY I get no Comics respect I tell ya…
2. You Are Never Not Walking Into Someone’s Photo
Someone is perpetually taking a photo of whatever is behind you, at all times, no matter where you are located or in which direction you’re heading. If you use a urinal, you are peeing into someone’s photo. If you’re eating something, you are literally eating that person’s photo. This will happen to you, intentional or not.
3. Security Guards Will Hassle You Because They Have Nothing To Do
For as huge and unwieldy as the Comic-Con crowds are, they’re also completely sober and thus entirely considerate (save one unfortunate pen mishap). This leaves the 9,000 security people extremely bored, so they pass their time by telling you you’re not allowed to sit along the wall next to the snack bar where you just bought your food, and you must eat your food standing up.
Meanwhile, this dude is walking around totally unmolested:
“Whoaaaaaa there, guy with the sniper rifle in a roomful of 10,000 people – you’re gonna have to eat those fries slightly more off the ground!”
4. Avoid Costume Cliches
Boba Fett? Classic. Ramona Flowers? Timely. Spider-Man? Might as well put “Stairway To Heaven” on a mix for a girl you’re trying to impress.
If you’re reading this, you are already too late to get into the 2011 Saturday panels. If you didn’t get in line for the 2012 Saturday panels in the middle of that last sentence, that’s out the window too. Now you’re just gonna have to wait to find out who’s playing Vision in the Avengers sequel until the entire internet Tweets it one one-trillionth of a second after it’s announced like the rest of us.
6. Brandon Routh Is A Really Good-Looking Man
I ripped on Superman Returns mercilessly when it came out, and on Brandon Routh in particular, but after seeing him in person, I also cast him in Superman. You can’t just see him and not cast him in Superman.
7. The Locals Simultaneously Pander To You And Hate You
Most of my San Diego friends despise the Con, as it triples their work commutes and renders downtown San Diego uninhabitable for days, but that doesn’t mean the local bars and restaurants will pass up the opportunity to shamelessly pander to the crowd:
Comic book dudes on the menu? Let’s get some of that superhero food cause I like that! Then we’ll pick up some of these:
Not many takers for the Clash of the Titans “Get Stoned By Medusa” face-painting tent. Not visible in the photo: “Bad Romance” blasting.
9. Don’t Bank On Kathy Nijimy Being There
Thanks a lot, “Nijmy”. Now I’ll have to forge a signed Hocus Pocus tape for my 90s daughter.
10. You Really Don’t Need To Go For More Than One Day
You’re in San Diego. It’s nice out. The Zoo has sun bears.