Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding To Cost $2 Million


No, that’s not a picture of Hillary Clinton being sworn in as Secretary of State, she’s actually involved in a secret pre-wedding ritual that rich people have. What she’s actually saying is “I, the mother of the bride, solemnly swear to shell out a sh*t-ton of money for my only daughter’s upcoming ceremony so that people will call it the wedding of the century.” Because Chelsea Clinton‘s wedding is reported to cost around $2 million. Excuse us while we cry into the irregular hanky we bought at Filene’s Basement.

What could possibly cost that much anyway? According to Politics Daily, the Clintons are spending up to $200,000 for the venue (Astor Courts in Rhinebeck, NY), $40,000 for the band (for that money, it had better be all four Beatles, living and dead), $250,000 on flowers (how is this even possible?) and TMZ reports that the glamorous port-a-potties the Clintons are renting will cost $15,000. To that we ask, if they’re spending that much money in the first place, why are the Clintons not holding the wedding in a place with real toilets?

Maybe the reason we find this all so offensive is that we’re the same age as Chelsea. When she went through her awkward phase, we were going through our awkward phase. When she was adjusting to life in Washington, D.C., we were adjusting to life in a new town, too. And after college, we both moved to New York City. That  teeny tiny bit of her that we identified with is all gone now. Now that we realize that her rental toilets alone cost more than our dream wedding.

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