Gwyneth Paltrow Belts One Out for America


In her latest film, Country Strong, Gwyneth Paltrow plays a country singer who leaves rehab to reclaim her former glory, with help from her husband, played by Tim McGraw. Which begs the question: Reeeeeeeeeeeeally? Gwyneth Paltrow? Replace “rehab” with “kombucha detox” and “former glory” with “organic chamomile eye pillow” and maybe we’ll talk. Unless it’s a movie version of Green Acres with Paltrow playing Zsa Zsa Gabor while wearing marabou-lined silk robes and falling over a pig into the mud, we can’t really picture her living the country life. However, we would watch that Green Acres five times in the theater, so maybe this is a step in the right direction.

Whether or not Gwyneth was the right person for the role (seriously, was Sandra Bullock too booked to knock this one out of the park?), she does have a significant pair of pipes on her, as she proves by belting out the title song.  Now, call us a Negative Nancy if you will, but this whole movie seems to be a cheap ploy designed to profit off Gwyneth’s epic film Duets, in which, according to IMDB, “A professional karaoke hustler reconnects with his daughter and a bored suburban businessman turns outlaw karaoke singer, among other plotlines.” Among other plotlines! While snubbed by the Academy, Duets experienced huge success in the 13-Year-Old Girls Who Can Only Get Movies Out From the Library demographic, due in large part to Paltrow’s vocal stylings on “Cruising,” her duet with Huey Lewis.

We hope that her new movie surprises us by being palatable, and if not, we will write that Green Acres script this weekend if anyone wants to make it.

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