Angelina’s On Twitter, But She Doesn’t Want To Tweet With You

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Hello, people of Planet Earth,

My name is Angelina Jolie. You may know me because of my brood of children-of-the-world. Or my ridiculously-hot-again partner, Brad Pitt (Photos). Just kidding, you know me because you love me. You see, I do good, people. I travel the world, meet refugees, give my money away to charity, and manage to look fantastic in every photo ever clicked of me. I don’t say this to make you feel bad. I would never do anything like that. It just is what it is. I am perfect. But I have decided to smile more, and not rub my genetics and superior demeanor in your face.

I have written this open letter to inform you that I too have become a twit, just like you. I, Angelina Jolie, am now on Twitter.

*Burst of maniacal laughter* Fooled you! Did you think I would make it that easy? Did you think you could just TWEET your 140-character babble to ME? Wrong, pets. @AngelinaJolie is locked. I’m not following anyone (as if!) and no one is following me (even though you’re dying to). I just wanted the name all to myself. You.Can’t.Have.It. And even if I do decide to “tweet” later in the year, when I possibly have the time, it’ll be all about charity and NGO’s and refugees. Got it?

Yours peacefully,

Saint Angelina