The announcements for next season’s Glee guest stars are coming fast and furious this summer, the latest being Cheyenne Jackson, recently known for snuggling up to co-worker Liz Lemon’s Tom Selleck-lush mustache on 30 Rock as Girlie Show actor Danny Baker. While it’s hard to know which rumors are real guest stars and which are the insane fantasies of our Glee-fevered mind, here are the peeps and whispers we’ve heard recently, complete with unsolicited opinions:
- Uncle Jesse: Yes, we know John Stamos’s real name; we just do not care. Uncle John Jesse Stamos is reportedly starring as Emma Pillsbury’s inappropriately hot dentist boyfriend this coming season of Glee, and we just know she is going to blow it by trying to get with Schue again. Live in the now, Emma! We need someone to help us live out our early-nineties, Jesse and the Rippers, high-waisted pale wash jeans with white Reebok fantasies, and you are just the neurotic school guidance counselor to do it. Eyes on the prize, girl!
- Javier Bardem: Does this choice seem hella out of left to anyone else? It’s easier to imagine Bardem kicking in our front door and taking us out with a bolt gun then doing a jazz square while belting one out to the cheap seats. That being said, any cameos that help people see him less as a serial killer and more as a charismatic dreamboat fine by us!
- Charice: Don’t know her. Was she on an early nineties sit-com? O, a Filipino pop-star, you say? Who will be Rachel’s nemesis? Hmmm, well, then I guess we are on board! Anything that takes that Berry girl down a peg is fine by us…
- Katy Perry: This isn’t technically slated to actually happen yet, but Katy is hoping someone at Glee wants to do a very Perry episode soon, tweeting “Please! I would love somebody to start that Facebook group and persuade them. I would absolutely love that.” We hope they tell her to put an actual shirt on in front of the children at least; whip cream-related eye injuries blind over one American high school students a year. If not, maybe save it for the Rocky Horror Picture Show ep?
- Britney Spears: Do you remember when Britney appeared on the 2007 VMAs, and the whole world was silently rooting for her to blow us out of the water and reclaim her crown as princess of pop? And then suddenly we all realized she had forgotten how to LIP SYNCH and had to bury our head in our hands until now? Like that, but on TV.
We also look forward to seeing other guest stars like Lady Gaga, Charo and Mr. Snuffleupagus. Or did we just make those up? We can’t distinguish between our waking life and our fantasy episodes of Glee anymore! And we wouldn’t have it any other way.