Dear people who love American Idol and people who report on American Idol,
We mean no disrespect because we are one of you, but hear us out. All this speculation about who is going to replace Simon Cowell has to stop. We went through this last year when the big question was who would replace Paula Abdul, remember? And it turned out that while, yes, Katy Perry, Victoria Beckham and Avril Lavigne did indeed appear on the show last season, they were just guests, not the new Paula. So let’s cool it with the “Who’s going to replace Simon? Is it going to be Justin Timberlake? Is it going to be Harry Connick, Jr.? Well? Is it?” stuff, because we should all know by now that we’re not going to get the answer we’re looking for till at least the fall, but more likely sometime in December, weeks before the new season airs.
So far, we’ve heard that Bret Michaels could replace Simon. And Elton John. And Chris Isaak, Shania Twain, Guy Oseary, Tommy Mottola, the aforementioned Harry Connick, Jr. and Justin Timberlake The latest news today is that Jessica Simpson is in the running for the job, too. This short list, it ain’t so short anymore. In fact, it’s sort of comically long and varied and is surely going to create so much hype that when the real successor is named, it’s going to be a let-down. Let’s do ourselves a favor and channel our energy elsewhere for the time being, because on the off chance they name someone who is like, a songwriter or producer we’ve never heard of, we’re all going to be bummed out by the non-name recognition. Call it the DioGuardi Effect if you will. It’s bad enough we’ve lost Simon, let’s not make things worse by getting our hopes dashed on a daily basis false news of his replacements too.