The first season of Jersey Shore was, by all accounts, one of the best single seasons in the long and not-so-illustrious history of reality television. Everything about the show — the wildly charismatic cast, the trashtastic locations, the instantly iconic catchphrases — embodied the very concept of catching lightning in a bottle. So when MTV decided to move the cast down to Miami Beach for the show’s second season, the question on everyone’s minds was simple: Would they be able to recreate the magic of that first, gloriously trashy summer in Sleazeside Heights?
Well, after watching the first episode of the show on MTV last night, the answer is … maybe? It’s tough to tell, seeing as how most of the episode was filled with expository slog; we had to wait until the show’s 34th minute to see all of the roommates reunited. Also, we were a bit disappointed that the cast members didn’t get around to discussing their newfound fame and how it’s changed their lives. Remember, as recently as December, nobody in America knew who any of these people were, yet now, even the President is begrudgingly being forced to acknowledge their existence!
Fortunately, Snooki, The Situation, Ron Ron and the gang delivered us some lines worth remembering. Won’t you join us as we count down the Top Ten Catchphrases from the second season of Jersey Shore?
10. “I’m gonna have a good time. Gonna get creepy.” — Ron Ron
Did he ever! After pounding an untold number of pitchers worth of Ron Ron Juice, the loveable meathead made it his mission to cop a feel from just about every girl in South Beach. Also, we feel like the combination of Ronnie’s roid rage and alcohol abuse will make for some very interesting television this season.
9. “I’m putting Vaseline on my face, I’m putting my hair up, I’m taking my earrings out and I’m beating the crap out of [Angelina].” — J-Woww
Hopefully, not literally. Because, ew! We already saw plenty of that during the second season premiere of Flavor Of Love!
8. “McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning, because he’s pale and he would probably want to be tan. Obama doesn’t have that problem, obviously.” — Snooki
Yes, finally the cast of the Jersey Shore starts talking politics! We wonder what kinds of thoughts they have on Arizona’s immigration reform laws?
7. “His name is Ronnie, but you’ll probably can call him Sloppy Joe.” — The Situation
Exhibit A: This.
6. “Obviously, he like fucks his sister for a living.” — Snooki
The Snooki and J-Woww road trip reminded us a lot of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie‘s show, The Simple Life. In a good way! We sort of wish that these two would’ve paired up with the Dream Team (The Situation and DJ Pauly D, natch) and taken a few more days driving down to Miami together. Alas, they did not. Maybe next season?
5. “You’re not supposed to be here, Angelina. You’re a white rat and you’re f*ckin’ pale and nasty … I am tan! I like being tan, bitch!” — Snooki
Hell hath no fury like three guidettes scorned! It’s gonna be a long season for Angelina “Jolie.”
4. “If you’re gonna hand me a bottle of frickin SoCo, something just comes over me. I go crazy.” — Snooki
Sadly, no one handed Snooks a bottle of SoCo in this episode. However, based on the previews, it looks like she and Vinnie are going to tip back a few SoCo + Limes at some point this season, at which point they bump uglies.
3. “If I hook up with one of youze one night, who gives a f*ck?” — Angelina
Well, seeing as how she’s already done the deed with both of them, we say it’s only a matter of time before it happens on camera.
2. “I feel like a friggin’ Pilgrim from the ’20s washing sh*t right now.” — Snooki
I remember reading about this in history books, too! It’s like Little House On The Prarie up in here!
1. “I want two [meatballs] … in my face.” — Snooki
What’s not to love about Snooks? Her penchant for punning on foodstuffs — she also worked in a joke about her boyfriend’s sausage in this scene, too — is nothing short of endearing.
Until next week,
— Juice Springsteen