The Duggars Must Be Stopped

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We are of the opinion that these Duggars, of 17 18 19 Kids And Counting fame need to be stopped. In an interview with the Today Show this morning, Meredith Vieira asked the Duggar parents JimBob and Michelle if they wanted to respond to critics who think their decision to have more kids is irresponsible, considering that their 19th child, Josie, was born prematurely and with severe health issues. We fully admit  to being among said critics! These folks must be stopped!

Michelle Duggar’s reponse, seen above, about how life is a miracle and how being blessed with more kids lies in God’s hands is all well and good, but here’s a thought, Duggars: wear a rubber! Or you know, stop f*cking so much. It’s awesome that as a married couple you still love to be physically intimate, but holy Lord, where do you find the time to parent your nineteen children? All  you seem to do in your down time is screw each other’s brains out.

Some obvious issues we have with one family having this many kids:

  • There are only so many names that start with J, and you’re ruining them all.
  • Your family is singlehandedly going to start World War III with China since they have a one-child limit and you’re just rubbing our capitalist, free-love agenda in their faces. (It could happen.)
  • Having this many kids is just not environmentally responsible. How much diaper trash do you generate anyway?
  • Having your older kids help raise the younger ones isn’t cute and helpful, it’s robbing them of their own childhood.
  • We are burned out of TLC’s “our family has lots of kids/multiple births/little people” programming and you’re only fueling it. God forbid your next baby is a tiny chocolatier.
  • Your kids have started to have kids, so maybe focus on being grandparents. Every child deserves getting $5 in an envelope for no reason from their Nana.
  • You force us to imagine you having  a ton of sex and it’s an image we’d prefer not to think about.
  • You’re pitting your kids against each other on Foursquare – who gets to be mayor of your house?

And that’s just  the tip of the iceberg, there are surely more reasons not to have twenty kids. Sorry if we’ve offended any Duggar-lovers out there (and if any Duggar-detractors want to add to our list, by all means, please do). We just can’t sit by and wait for these people to add one more kid to their ever-growing army.