Miley Cyrus Parties In The U.S.A



Hi, Miley Cyrus.

We’re writing this note with all sincerity.  Please do not turn into jailbait. We’ve been watching you writhing on Adam Shankman‘s lap. We’ve tut-tutted at your on-stage make-out seshs. We’ve debated your very questionable wardrobe choices. But we like you, Miley. You just can’t be tamed, and we admire that.

But there comes a time when all the good-natured jokes at your expense become tired. Scratch that – exhausted. So give us a break and try and remember you’re 17 years old. Because when Miley Cyrus hits up a bar with Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, the world’s going to find out. And then we’re going to have to start all over again. You should know that a certain AbigailMSU busted you and tweeted, “I’m off to bed right now but just wanted to let you know Miley, Demi, and Ashton are at Mars Bar in Hamtramck as I type this.”  And she has since been all atwitter about your bar-crawl shenanigans. She will hunt you down.

You should also know that bars are for people 4 years older than you, whether you’d like to believe it or not. Just 4 years, Miley! That’s not long to wait! We’re also loving this new LOL movie you’re doing with Dashton and Ashley Greene, but you can’t tell the world that you were shooting a scene at that bar. Because that is a lie, and people will find out…again. Your own production company ratted you out on that one, stating, “We haven’t filmed there. That is not a location for the film.”

So for future reference, spare us?

Our best,
The fully legal FabLife team

[Photo: Getty Images]

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