Hi, Miley Cyrus.
We’re writing this note with all sincerity. Please do not turn into jailbait. We’ve been watching you writhing on Adam Shankman‘s lap. We’ve tut-tutted at your on-stage make-out seshs. We’ve debated your very questionable wardrobe choices. But we like you, Miley. You just can’t be tamed, and we admire that.
But there comes a time when all the good-natured jokes at your expense become tired. Scratch that – exhausted. So give us a break and try and remember you’re 17 years old. Because when Miley Cyrus hits up a bar with Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, the world’s going to find out. And then we’re going to have to start all over again. You should know that a certain AbigailMSU busted you and tweeted, “I’m off to bed right now but just wanted to let you know Miley, Demi, and Ashton are at Mars Bar in Hamtramck as I type this.” And she has since been all atwitter about your bar-crawl shenanigans. She will hunt you down.
You should also know that bars are for people 4 years older than you, whether you’d like to believe it or not. Just 4 years, Miley! That’s not long to wait! We’re also loving this new LOL movie you’re doing with Dashton and Ashley Greene, but you can’t tell the world that you were shooting a scene at that bar. Because that is a lie, and people will find out…again. Your own production company ratted you out on that one, stating, “We haven’t filmed there. That is not a location for the film.”
So for future reference, spare us?
The fully legal FabLife team
[Photo: Getty Images]