“Drops Of Jupiter” Incites Charlie Sheen To Violence, Everyone Else To Vomiting

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In the latest human disaster news, Charlie Sheen is citing Train‘s “Drops of Jupiter” as the impetus for the crazy attack he committed against wife Brooke Mueller on Christmas 2009. According to Sheen, Mueller became jealous of his relationship with his daughter, which included loving Train’s 2001 hit single and using “two tracking telescopes… so they could both look at the same point in the universe at the same time, as a way of staying connected.” Let’s hope his daughter was looking up at the sky; if not, she may have caught a glimpse of her father’s career spiraling toward the ground in flames.

Mueller was supposedly enraged by the two’s close bond; Sheen quotes her as saying “You have a song with you share with your daughter, but not one with me?”, provoking both of them to “slap” at “each others’ hands or wrists.” We could not make this foolishness up if we tried. Seriously though, this is a great tactical move for Sheen. Most people agree that nothing makes you look less like a crazy monster person than explaining how a cheesy pop song incited you to manhandle your girlfriend. “Well, Your Honor, you see, I had a telescope and that Train song was playing and one thing lead to another…you know how it is. May I leave jail now?” Of course we know how it is! We can’t tell you how many times we’ve just been hanging out, looking through our telescopes and being total nutter-butters, when all of a sudden we committed a horrible crime against another person! Happens to the best of us! Oh no, sorry, we meant “the worst of us.” It happens to the worst of us. [Photo: Getty Images]

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