Snooki Vows To Stop Drinking (During The Daytime, That Is)

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After her recent run-in with the boys in blue, Snooki has been surprisingly reflective in interviews (and no, we’re not referring to the glare of her hot dog-colored skin). Quoth the Snicks, “I just felt really bad, so I’m definitely going to stop drinking during the daytime.” Jeez Louise, why don’t you just join a nunnery while you’re at it!? Look, we don’t watch reality television to see people act responsibly and make mature decisions; we watch it to find out who is going to be the first person to throw up in the hot tub (our money’s on Ronnie!).

Snickers also admitted that her appeal doesn’t stop at the schoolhouse door:  “When I see 7 year-olds, they’re like, ‘Oh, I envy you.’ I’m like, ‘Why? You’re seeing me party.’” Why Snooki is even interacting with 7 year-olds in the first place, we may never know. We blame the schools! But seriously, the only reason a little kid would think Snooki is cool is because she is approximately the same height and size of a first-grader; they probably just confused and assumed she was their age, which is totally understandable, AND would actually make for a pretty amazing show.  It would just be the regular Jersey Shore crew and one outrageous 7-year-old with a giant poof and a Capri Sun bong. Don’t front, you know you’d watch it. [Photo: Splash News Online]

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