Montana Fishburne And The Celeb Sex Tape Of The New Decade

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celebsextapes-550In all of our lives, there are certain things that we’d like to think we would only do if we were seriously strapped for cash, like reusing our underwear by turning it inside out or renting movies from the library. Or, potentially, having sex with one or more strangers to be recorded and sold on the internet. So when someone who doesn’t need the money — like, say, the daughter of an well-regarded actor — starts to making Costco runs to stock up on K-Y, we can’t help but have one collective eye brow raised in disbelief. rnrnAs you have no doubt heard by now, Montana Fisburne’s much-ballyhooed porn film dropped today and, in celebration of this momentous date, we’d like to do our best to answer the burning question on everyone’s mind: “Wha?”

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In the past couple weeks, the daughter of The Matrix actor Lawrence Fishburne has hyped her self-titled XXX film so much, we are basically expecting her to be the Venus and/or Serena Williams of boning.  As for Montana’s famous father and his reaction to her career interest in constant nudity, well, one does not go from having Akeelah and the Bee dedicated to them to starring in hard-core pornography in 4 years without meeting with a little familial resistance.  Of her parents, Montana has claimed, “They love me and I think that they’ll turn it around into a positive thing”, an assertion that is either a really touching reflection on parental love, or a complete delusion that is going to be burst during a very uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinner this November. She has also provoked a lot of eye-rolling by comparing her entrée into porn to Kim Kardashian’s rise to fame, explaining that “It’s a big milestone in my career, and this is the way I started, just how I feel like Kim’s sex tape was a milestone in jump-starting her career.” As vomit-inducing it may seem to most people to model one’s life after any or all of the Kardashians, Montana does have a point. Kim K. went from a big-bootied nobody to a recognizable name awfully quick, due largely to the neck-snappingly curvaceous body featured in her “leaked” sex tape. Montana may be right on the money to think that, “Kim’s is the one that did the best. Not did the best, but I felt like she got the most hype and buzz out of it.” Two famous sisters, multiple realities shows and a stripper pole in their mom’s room later, the name Kardashian is, for better or for worse, a household hold name. rnrnWhile we can continue the debate of whether Kim intentionally released her sex video or not (which, please, that video is so flatteringly-lit and art-directed, it’s like the Marie Antoinette of porn), or if Paris or even the grandmamma of sex tapes Pam Anderson did the same, the main difference between Montana’s film debut and that of other ladies is that most of the buzz around past sex tapes came from the idea that the tape was illicitly released without the star knowing about it. Montana has been more than upfront that appearing in adult films is calculated end game, claiming, “I always wanted to do porn. That was a given.” So, why exactly would someone who already has wealth, beauty and youth want to sleep with people on camera, rather than in private and on a big bed covered in hundred dollar bills like we would do? We’d like to offer an official diagnosis of a severe case of Look At Me(asles). Montana is just the first wanna-be celebrity who has straight-up said, “No, I just want you to watch me have sex, thanks.” We actually think that move is something of a relief; does the world really need another Repo! The Genetic Opera or a terrible line of overpriced clothing? We don’t know Montana’s business (well, not yet anyway…), but from the sound of it, her plans for fame are already taking her places; she just had her Twitter hacked to spread salacious/amazing rumors about Jamie Foxx’s sexuality, an A-list dilemma if we’ve ever heard one.  As Montana herself has said, “Pursue your dreams even if people have their ideas about it. And be true to yourself.” Only time will tell if she’ll succeed. Oh, and also, how soon she’ll give up and head to Celebrity Apprentice.

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