Snooki’s New Hook-Up: “She’s Drunk Most Of The Time”

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Aww, not even an “I love Snooki” tee-shirt could do the trick for ex Emilio Masella. Because our little Snooki is off to the sex shops for someone else now! Her new guido love, Jeff Miranda, has managed extricating his tongue long enough to give the press some one-on-one time. Totally unexpected, right? Why would anyone making out with Snooki want to behave like a fame-hungry ‘ho?

So this Miranda dude apparently met Snooki last week at Karma nightclub and won’t shut up about it, saying, “We hit it off really, really good.┬áNicole is actually really cute and seems like a cool a** person, even though she’s drunk most of the time. She’s a real sweet girl.” Our Snooki? Drunk? Sir, you lie!

Also…can we just repeat the “cool a** person, even though she’s drunk…” statement because that’s like, the best quote EVER. Also in what’s like the biggest lie EVER, Jeffie said they went to Snooki’s home the night they met and, “had in-depth conversations about each other’s lives, what our backgrounds were…It was almost like an instant connection.” Yeah right, they talked all night. Surrrrre. Dude, your pants are on fire.

There’s tons more, believe us, and it’s all in the same barf-inducing Snooki-soulmate vein. But here’s a sign that they’re a match made in cheeseball-heaven. He sighed, “…Her lips are matched perfectly to mine…I couldn’t even explain it.” There you go. The same weird, unnaturally colored beige lips seal the deal.

[Photo: Splash News Online]