Snooki’s New Man Not The Juice-Head White Knight We’ve Been Waiting For

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According to Jersey Shore‘s professional slap fighter Angelina, not only did Snooki’s boyfriend Jeff Miranda try to smush her and the other ladies of the house, he is in fact only dating Snooki for the incredibly tiny piece of fame it will get him. According to the Kim Kardashian of her own mind, “Jeff used to try and hook up with me all the time after we were done filming in Miami. He really wanted to be my boyfriend.” GASP! IN! HORROR! Are you telling me this Miranda guy hasn’t been penning sonnets for months in order to woe Snooki from her chastity? Look, Snickers isn’t exactly hoping to date Colin Firth here. When a girl’s main criteria for a boyfriend include the words “gorilla”, “juiced” and “muscle” in no particular order, she might not be expecting a promise ring. Still, no one wants to see that little poof deflated.

But as it turns out, being a gorilla in heat isn’t even the half of it for this guy. According to Angie, Miranda was also “always saying mean things about the cast…he said Snooki was gross. He called J-WOWW a man and Ronnie a short loser.” But…but…but only we are allowed to call them that! This is just like in high school when you complain about your mom all the time, but when your friend says, “I know, she’s the worst”, you realize you are going to have to punch him/her in the face for insulting the cast of Jersey Shore. Or something like that, you get our drift. We really, really, really don’t want Angelina to be right, ever, but given that Snooki’s man was just spotted cavorting with strippers, she’s probably dead-on about his guy being a loser. We just hope Snooki isn’t crushed; she’s going to be wearing her black mourning slippers for weeks. [Photo: Splash News Online]