MAD MEN RECAP: And The Award Goes To…

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This is a recap for the sixth episode of Season 4 of Mad Men starring Jon Hamm, Christina Hendricks, John Slattery, January Jones, and a slew of other talented actors, on an episode called “Waldorf Stories.” And here is your For Your Consideration Recap:

THE CURE FOR THE COMMON WASP

This dude that Roger sends into Don’s office for an interview is basically Jon Lovitz in J. Crew critter pants. Could a human being make a worse impression in a job interview? No. Forgetting the fact that he is only an inch taller than SCDP’s brand new (spoiler) CLIO Award, he just doesn’t seem to be a good fit in the world of the dapper advertising scene. Hell, even Miss Blankenship hates the guy.



MOST LIKELY TO GET KNOCKED DOWN A PEGGY

You’ll notice a running theme in this episode… Don being a supreme Dick to Peggy. First, she’s not invited to the CLIO Awards to celebrate a campaign she helped brainstorm. Then, he orders her to spend the weekend with her new art director, Stan, instructing them to get a room together at the Waldorf-Astoria in order for them to come up with idea for Vick Chemical Corp. This is all well and good, until you realize that Stan…



IS ACTUALLY BIFF FROM BACK TO THE FUTURE





SHE’S RIGHT ON TOP OF THAT ROSE!

Speaking of 80s movies, remember when this secretary bumped into Sue Ellen Crandell by the fax machine and then saved her ass by fixing up the Q.E.D. report? We love this lady! Let us hope she never told Mom that the babysitter was dead.



THE BABYSITTER, IN THIS SCENARIO, IS MISS BLANKENSHIP





MOST UNCONVINCING FLASHBACK SEQUENCE

This episode hopped around the timeline a bit, which would have been slightly less confusing if they would have actually tried to make Don and Roger look, let’s say, 10 years younger. Because while we don’t hate the eyeliner Roger has on, we also don’t buy that it’s a look he’d really go for. But what they can’t accomplish with makeup they can make up with in ACTING! And so Don became the most pathetic son of a bitch alive, while Roger perfected his Joan impression…



HE FEELS PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAY


And he pities, any girl who isn’t him today.



IS THAT BETTY DRAPER IN THE HELLER’S AD?

This is a legitimate question. It sure looks like her, and it would make sense that they’d use her for budget reasons… but it could also be any other wooden 4×4 in a blond wig, so we’re torn.



MOST CONVINCING SAMANTHA JONES ON SEX AND THE CITY

“Half a fur? Why that only deserves half an orgasm!”



AND SO WE FIND OURSELVES AT THE CLIO AWARDS…



IN THE PRESENCE OF THE MOST GLORIOUS TOP HAT…

Put this woman face right up there next to Cooper on our new website SceneStealers.org.



HAMMIN’ IT UP!

Never accuse Jon Hamm of not ~acting.~ Look at that face right there. ACTING.



WELL F*CK A DUCK! HE’S BACK

Yessss! It’s our favorite Mad Men cast-off (after Sal) and favorite man who has ever slept with Peggy, Duck!! And he is shwassstiezzzz. He’s the Michael Scott in the 1960s ad world, this guy.



OBLIGATORY

Chauncey, we still miss you every waking day.



SWEETEST HAND HOLD

Aww, Roger and Joan are holding hands.



WHAT DA HALE?

I know she ain’t holdin’ hands with Don, too…



HAVE I JUST WOKEN UP FROM A PLOT POINT COMA?

Now Don is making out with Joan? Have I missed something? Also, while we’re on the subject of Joan.. POOR PEGGY. While she’s back at the office, Don, Pete, Roger and Joan get to go celebrate the award that she basically won them. Why was Joan there, anyway?



OH RIGHT

It’s because of her huge…. ….. ….. …. hands.



MEANWHILE, BACK AT WORK…

This is seriously my dream: Being whiskey’d and dined by Lane Pryce. I adore his British awkwardness and would make do with his pock marks.



OH LOOK! DON IS BACK WITH HIS NEW LIFE CEREAL CONCEPT!





YOU DON’T LIKE THAT? WELL HOW ABOUT THIS??

p.s. I would actually eat this cereal.



HMM, LOOKS FAMILIAR

“Uh, Don, pretty sure that insanely sh*tty slogan was given to you by fake Jon Lovitz earlier in the episode.” — What I Heard



BLANKENSHIP GIF OF THE DAY

I dare any hardcore rapper out there to look more street than Miss Blankenship in the above GIF. Take my advice and don’t take the dare, because it’s impossible. The woman’s a pimp.



THE PROOF IS IN HER STOP SNITCHING NECKLACE





MODERN LADIES, HUG YOUR BRAS

I’m not sure if I’m looking at a bra or two banana nut muffins hung off the ends of shoelaces.



STAN, THE MAN WITH THE LONGEST BALLS IN THE LAND

Sorry, Cisco Adler, but your title has been revoked. (NSFW Clearly)



IS HIS ASS LONG TOO OR IS IT JUST THE BRIEFS?

I love a man with a long ass crack, but this is ridiculous. Is his underwear the missing link between a one-piece bathing suit and modern day men’s briefs? I’ve never seen anything as disturbing. Oh, wait, JK. (NSFW & Fool me once.)



MOST SUBTLE BONER TRUCE

Stan’s Boner, after getting served and then not getting served by Peggy.



DON IS REALLY LIVING IT UP AT THE CLIO’S




WHILE ROGER IS SHOOTING JEALOUS MICROWAVE BEAMS OUT OF HIS EYE SOCKETS

The above photo courtesy of the fine people who made Avatar.* (*lies)



MOST FAMILIAR LOOKING TIE





THAAAAAT’S WHERE I’VE SEEN IT

Hanging from the window of Von Trapp family only moments before they were turned into “playclothes” and “Don’s tie.”



AWARD I WOULD MOST LIKE TO WIN





MOST INAPPROPRIATE TIME TO START HUMMING THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER

Right before performing America’s favorite past time: Blow jobs. Uncle Sam just pulled up a seat next to Sally Draper and started weeping.



WORST BEER GOGGLE REVEAL

Doris, the waitress.



EVEN JANUARY JONES WORKED UP THE ENERGY TO MAKE A FACE ABOUT IT



AND WHO IS TO BLAME FOR DON’S PAINFUL, FORGETFUL, BANGING LOCAL WAITRESSES AND FORGETTING TO PICK THE KIDS UP DOWNFALL?

As always… Canada.


PETE WAS PRETTY SURE HE COULD EXCHANGE A BJ FOR A NEW JOB AT STERLING COOPER





UNTIL HE REMEMBERED HE WAS OFFERING THE JOB TO COSGROVE

Give the guy some Canada, maybe he’ll change his mind.



LET’S GET A CLOSE-UP OF THAT CLIO AWARD





AND SO, ANOTHER ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSES, AND ANOTHER EPISODE ENDS





BIGGEST LOST OPPORTUNITY

Not incorporating the “Coming to America” music at any point in the episode. You say Waldorf-Astoria, I say “My son works?!?” — King Jaffe Joffer

What did you guys think of the episode? Disagree with any of my above assessments? There’s a comments section, friends, get in there.

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