The One Thing Ashton Loves More Than Twitter Is Not Cheating On Demi, Twitters Kutcher

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Hard-bodied cougars of the world, we light one single candle in your honor tonight as Ashton Kutcher vehemently quashes rumors that he cheated on wife Demi Moore. Initial reports in Star Magazine claimed that “Ashton had this gorgeous girl pinned against the wall, and he was totally making out with her,” at the restaurant Madeo in L.A.  Kutcher immediately tweeted in reply, “I think Star magazine calling me a “cheater” qualifies as defamation of character. I hope my lawyer agrees,” as well as “STAR magazine – you don’t get to stand behind “freedom of the press” when you are writing fiction.” O snap! Never get in the way of an angry young man armed with tweets, we always say; it’s like a law of nature!

In the past Ashton admitted to being a “slut” prior to meeting his significantly older wife. But let’s be serious here: who would be foolish enough to risk blowing it with Demi Moore? The woman is 47-years-old and still looks she should be grinding in a Van Halen video. We’re inclined to think that the “gorgeous girl” Ashton was spotted with was just Demi in low lighting. Moore has such serious Benjamin Button magic working for her, next year they’re going to report Ashton was caught making out with a high school student. Good luck Twitter-explaining that from a holding cell, Kutcher. [Photo: GettyImages]

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