Kirsten Dunst’s Purse Thief Gets Four Years For What Must Have Be One Amazing Purse

|

60542496

If you had ever thought about messing with Kirsten Dunst (and really, who hasn’t?) this next story will change your mind right quick. Brooklyn auto mechanic James Jimenez was sentenced today to four years in prison after being convicted of stealing Kirsten Dunst’s designer purse out of her hotel room in 2007. Four years? Good lord, what was in that purse? Nuclear launch codes?

Jimenez was found guilty in June of stealing the purse, as well as Brit actor Simon Pegg’s cell phone and assorted other items while the actors were in New York filming How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, leading us to believe that more people had their stuff stolen while filming that movie than actually saw it in theaters.

There must be information we just don’t know about the case. Maybe the guilty party had a lot of prior arrests, or planned to use information he had found in the purse and phone? Or maybe Kirsten Dunst is some sort of international spy entrusted with the safety of the American people, and she had her Little Book of Devastating Political Secrets hidden next to her Altoids tin and a handful of smushed Raisinets. Because, seriously, four years? In four years, they’ll have remade How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, and a whole new generation of people will have never seen it.  [Photo: Getty Images]