Decisiones is the name of a soap opera that airs on Telemundo. What’s important to note here is that I don’t speak any Spanish whatsoever. “Piso mojado” means “Be careful; this is yellow,” right? But somehow I always completely understand what is going on in every episode. It is art. Everything in the show is just as beautifully intuitive as the title of the show itself. Decisiones. Oh, cool, a show about Spanish speaking people making Spanish decisions. Got it! There’s something especially Zen about watching the show if you don’t speak Spanish. It’s like meditation somehow. Essentially you’re listening to what amounts to gibberish, but nothing is unclear.
Now, having said all of that, Decisiones is absolutely the most… oh, gosh. Okay, listen. I don’t want to get nasty comments about this, but every other word that comes to mind just seems so tepid and impotent. So, I’m just going to politely ask you all for a pass on using it this one time. Are we all cool? Cool. Here we go. Decisiones is absolutely the most retarded show to ever air anywhere in the world. It is loony-toons. Oh man, it is so perfect in how ridiculous it is. It is so ridiculous and unsubtle and on the nose that I couldn’t stop watching it for two years.
And now, I am proud to present to you the single most perfect and representative moment from all of Decisiones. I like to call this clip…. Bingo Mouth Shake Salma.
OLE! OLE! OLE! OLE! Cinco Diablo! Mi queso es su queso! Oh man, I love this show. How is it possible that the music in that clip isn’t even in the top five funny things about it? Good LORD! Jan Brewer is an idiot.