As promised, here’s your NFL Week 2 Recap in the form of stupid pictures. Let’s break down this week’s games in incredible detail one-by-one, in no particular order:
Falcons 41, Cardinals 7
To be fair, this result would’ve been even more lopsided if actual falcons had battled actual cardinals. But Rufio was lovin’ it:
Jets 28, Patriots 14
The Jets silenced their critics for at least a day or two by scoring three unanswered touchdowns to beat the Patriots after a dominant second half:
Mark Sanchez also lamely attempted to re-create the iconic Joe Namath Super Bowl pose:
In this instance, the finger stands for “We’re One-And-One.”
Eagles 35, Lions 32
This one was a thriller, coming down to the final possession after a successful onside kick by the Lions, but the Eagles stopped them on downs to hold on for the win. Fox’s Chris Myers then narrowly avoided a Michael Vick interview faux pas:
Raiders 16, Rams 14
Not the most enthralling matchup of the week, except when these two players re-enacted my favorite position from the Where The Boys Aren’t film series:
Steelers 19, Titans 11
The Titans turned the ball over an absurd 7 times against the Steelers, which is not a recipe for success according to this book. Jeff Fisher’s sarcastic clapping throughout the entire game didn’t help morale:
Buccaneers 20, Panthers 7
The Bucs jumped out to an unexpected 2-0 start by toppling the Panthers, though QB Josh Freeman wasn’t too happy that he was stuck watching Bucs/Panthers:
Colts 38, Giants 14
Peyton trounced Eli in this year’s quadri-annual Manning Bowl, but Two-Face over here was gonna be happy no matter what happened:
Packers 34, Bills 7
Poor Buffalo. No visual joke here, none of the game photos were Safe For Work.
Bears 27, Cowboys 20
Yikes – the Cowboys were 7-point favorites but dropped their home opener against Chicago to start the year 0-2. Let’s start the betting — how many more patented “Bewildered Wade Phillips” Reaction Shots will we witness between now and his eventual firing?
I have my money on 3,500. Meaning he’ll be fired sometime in November.
Bengals 15, Ravens 10
Chad Ochocinco was held to just 44 yards receiving, but the Bengals pulled off an early-season must-win against Baltimore, allowing him to celebrate obligatorily:
Chiefs 16, Browns 14
Tight game, but I missed it. I’m pretty sure this photo’s from the right game:
Broncos 31, Seahawks 14
Denver notched their first win after holding the visiting Seahawks scoreless the entire first half. Seattle Offensive Coordinator Jeremy Bates used up his entire play chart, to no avail:
Chargers 38, Jaguars 13
San Diego emphatically pulled to 1-1 with a blowout win over Jacksonville. Fullback Mike Tolbert ran for two TDs and debuted his newly-perfected “I Am Constipated For A Super Bowl” celebration move:
Texans 30, Redskins 27 (OT)
When this game was 27-10 Washington, I yelled at the tickerbar “I told you this Texans bandwagon is ridiculous, it happens every year and they always blow it,” and then they came back to win in overtime, thus puncturing my “Texans bandwagon is ridiculous” bandwagon, at least for the time being. Mike Shanahan was pissed:
Dolphins 14, Vikings 10
Last but not least, here’s Brett Favre side-by-side with 34-year-old Springfield Heights 90210 star Kyle Darren:
First “Favre is old” joke on the internet? Yaaaay!!! I am literally Neil Armstrong.
NFL Week 2 Reactions? Excitement? Anger? Apathy? Humor? Humour? Comment away.