Bad News, Pervs: Octomom Will Not Be Appearing In Porn For $500,000

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nadya-suleman

Sorry, perverts of the world: your deepest, unspeakable wish to see Octomom in flagrante delicto is not going to happen…at least not until she fails to get on Dancing With The Stars again next year. Reportedly Octomom Nadya Suleman turned down the $500,000 porn deal Vivid Entertainment offered her to appear in a film doing what men and women do when they love each other and/or a half million dollars very much. While Octomom acknowledges she needs quick capital due to the impending foreclosure on her house, she assures. “I’ll do whatever I can … as long as I’m fully clothed.” Ugh, and we though we had our Christmas shopping practically done for us!

The irony of all this is, Suleman has already spent the last few years and all the quarters she had in the kids’ college fund to turn herself (at least from the neck up) into a porn star. The bank is going to take away Octomom’s house, but somehow she still has the money to buy a new face that looks like Janice from the Muppet Show Band, except trashier. If Octo has money to transform her mug into a half-price Angelina knock-off, she’s probably dropped the change necessary to iron out the wrinkles left by her giant watermelon pregnancy as well. Those octuplets might be sucking dry Ramen out of their bottles, but we bet you can bounce a quarter off Suleman’s lower abdomen and have it ricochet back in your pocket. And that, we would pay good money to see.

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