Joaquin Phoenix May Play Leo DiCaprio’s Lover In An Actual Movie, Not Just Our Slash Fiction


Someone must have gotten their hands on our diary from the tenth grade, because not only are two of our favorite heartthrobs Leonard DiCaprio and Joaquin Phoenix rumored to be starring in a film together, they will also be getting their smooch on…with each other.

Sources say a newly shaven and deloused Joaquin Phoenix may play Leo DiCaprio’s lover in Clint Eastwood’s new film Hoover, a biopic about famed FBI director J. Edgar Hoover that explores his rumored romance with protege Clyde Tolson; it will also be the actors’ first movie together. And here we were, content to just edit together clips of Signs and Catch Me If You Can, sync them up to Taylor Swift’s “Mine” and upload them onto YouTube. Hurray for Hollywood!

After admitting that his performance in Casey Affleck’s movie I’m Still Here was an elaborate hoax, we’re just happy to see Phoenix getting roles at all. If nothing else it will be a chance for everyone to remember what a smoking hot hottie Joaquin used to be before he became scraggly, sleeping-under-an-overpass-but-not-really Joaquin. What better way to celebrate his return to attractiveness than to have Phoenix hop in the sack with DiCaprio under the direction of Oscar-winning director Clint Eastwood. Oh…oh no! Now Clint’s in there too! Argh, get out of our imaginations, Eastwood! We’re sure this movie will be excellent if these two co-star in it, but if you’ll excuse us, we have to go scrub our brains out with lye.

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