Snooki Hospitalized With Alcohol Poisoning – Or In Medical Terms, “Being Snooki”

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We know we laugh at these Jersey Shore fools a lot: Oh,  how they love to drunkenly fight, smush and smush-fight!  But still, we don’t want any of them to die. We gasped in horror and held our handkerchiefs to our mouths today when we found out Snooki had to be hospitalized for alcohol poisoning during the filming of the second season.

We don’t understand how that girl drinks at all, given how teeny she is. In our mind Snickers should be sipping out of a thimble, or an acorn. She should also have a pointed red hat and talk to a fox and live in a hole in the ground. Basically we want Snooki to be a little Jersey David the Gnome. But she has to stay alive to do it!

A source told Radar that Snooki “was so drunk that she had to be carried out of the nightclub ‘Dream’ by the show’s producers.” We imagine someone just picked Snooki up like a sleeping bag and carted her out under their arm. After her visit to the doctor, “Snooki was out of commission for about two days and was left in pain after undergoing the hospital treatment.”

We guess we shouldn’t be that surprised. For all we know, every night at Beachcomber’s went from fist-pumping to stomach-pumping real quick, with The Situation and Pauly D doing a round of salt-water lavages in the hot tub. We just hope Snooki learned her lesson about getting stinking drunk following her arrest. If something bad happens now, Snicks, you’ll never savor another pickle again, or get to be John McCain’s running mate/wife. And that is too tragic for us to think about.