The second season of Glee is back, and it promises a bevy of musical delights (and horrors), the first of which was seen this week in the show’s Britney Spears-themed episode. On the bright side, the show has added John Stamos to the roster as Miss Pillsbury’s new love interest. And Stamos looks to be hitting his hit-that peak — a regular George Clooney of the small screen. But on the dark side, we’ve got the usual complaints, namely to do with Lea Michelle’s acting ability, which is getting harder and harder to overlook despite her singing ability.
The Britney Spears themed episode was hit and miss: Lea Michelle’s “Hit Me Baby One More Time” was a horribly uncomfortable miss, but Artie’s “Stronger” routing and the “Toxic” dance number made up for it.
Not to mention the brilliant dance sequences by Brittney S. Pierce, played by former Beyonce backup dancer Heather Morris, who is easily one of the top 2 things about the show. Actual Britney’s cameos were forgettable, but yet comforting… we’re just happy the girl is alive and well.
Ed. Note: Please note that any insults thrown Glee’s way in this post are done out of love. I’ve spent $508 buying their singles on Itunes, and I do think I deserve the opportunity to share a piece of my mind.
12. Kanye West
How do you make the gayest rapper in the world (no homo) even gayer? Give him his very own hour-long theme episode on Glee! We’d tune in for the years-too-late “in” joke where a wasted Kanye grabs the mic away from a heartbroken Kurt.
11. The Worst Bands in the World
The amount of suckiness in this episode would cause a Shue-nami in Micronesia. A little Creed, a dash of Nickelback, some Juggalo action, a splash of (fill your least favorite band in here), and the campiest suckfest known to man will have just been birthed by the vagina-hole that is Fox. (Meant in a motherly, loving way.)
10. Michael McDonald
The best way to describe my participation in an hour-long Michael McDonald homage? “Yah Mo B There.” I can’t even front for more than 2 seconds… “What a Fool Believes” is 33 percent my jam.
9. Boyz II Men
A coming of age episode with Boyz II Men songz. Sure, it would involve some dabbling in white people rapping, an aural horror second only to Neurofibromatosis. On second thought, even our love for “End of the Road” and “Motown Philly” would not make up for the white rapping, scratch this, let’s move on…
8. Justin Bieber
Included solely for Google purposes. This post just got 100 percent more viral. Please, continue…
7. Cable Access Songs
If you’ve never seen the footage from the brilliant 1980’s show “Stairway to Stardom,” first of all, why are you even reading right now when you should be clicking here to watch our 10 favorite moments. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, imagine an entire episode dedicated to this fantastic show? It would win an episode for the Gloria Huddle “Operator” moment alone.
6. Al Jolson
If you thought Mr. Schuester rapping was offensive, imagine how much fun we’d have with an hour of Mr. Schue in blackface. Believe us, this episode would still be less stomach-churning than the “Bust a Move” sequence from last season. (Truly the most offensive thing to happen to black culture in years.) (Also, wait, should we not have posted this pic? What are the rules on this kinda thing?)
5. The Beatles
Awww, Artie in a mop cut? You almost can’t even hear them butchering the all time greatest pop songs ever written.
Imagine an episode where none of these people sing a single word? Bryan Adams wrote a song about it.
3. Sister Acts I, II and III
A gospel-themed show with the crew belting out the most famous gospel songs ever would truly be a heavenly gift from our divine creator. The cast’s cover of “Like a Prayer” is the closest we’ve ever gotten to gospel on Glee, and it ranks as one of their best covers from the first season. And you uh-knowwww Whoopi Goldberg is just dying to get “back in the habit” for a guest cameo. Kathy Najimy’s been waiting by the phone for this call since 1994.
Kostume Kraziness!!!! Obviously, if they went through with this theme, we would want Brittney dolled up in a sweet “Dancer in the Dark” costume.
1. Celine Dion
The idea of a Celine Dion cameo on Glee is so powerful that we fear it might kill off 97 percent of the gay population. In which case, this would be a horrible idea. But even with Lea Michelle singing most of the show’s big numbers, we would literally give anything (*holds kidneys high above head*) to make this theme a reality.
What are some Glee Themes you’d like to see? Tell us in the comments!