Trump To Run For Prez On The “You Can Never Have Too Many Gold-Tinted Houses” Platform

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Greatest photo of Donald Trump ever? Yep! And just the shot we think he should use to adorn his “The Donald For President” posters when he officially declares himself a candidate for the 2012 race. Trump has never been shy about verbalizing his opinions, but only now has he discussed throwing his hat in the political ring.

He told Fox News that he has been asked by the Reform Party to run in the next election, but said “I’m a Republican so if I did anything, I’d do it, I guess, as a Republican. I’m totally being serious because I can’t stand what’s happening to the country. First time I am being serious about it. I’ve been asked for years to do it. And I had no interest. This is the first time I am — at least I’m considering it. That doesn’t say I’m going to do it …  but I am seriously considering it.”

So let’s imagine a world in which Donald Trump really and truly is our president. (Fade to dream sequence.)

  • Every house in America is required have gold-tinted windows.
  • Children are no longer called children, they are instead referred to as “apprentices.”
  • Women get their eyes surgically altered to mimic the first lady, Melania Trump‘s, whose eyes are cat-like and barely open.
  • Bill and Giuliana Rancic are vice-president and secretary of state.
  • Our country’s motto changes from “E Pluribus Unum” to “You’re Fired.”

We wake up in a cold sweat imagining this national nightmare, for a moment we feel relief at the fact that it was all a dream and then when we comb our fingers through our tousled hair –what’s that? What IS that? We’ve all gotten mandatory Donald Trump combover transplants to show our patriotism! Noooooooooo!