UNBREAK HER BANK: Toni Braxton Files for Bankruptcy

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Ain’t this a damn shame? Toni Braxton — TONI BRAXTON — has had to file for bankruptcy. Don’t believe us? Allow these court papers that we really shouldn’t have access to do the speaking for us:

Braxton claims she owes up to $50 million dollars.

50

Million

Dollars.

How the hellllllllll did you get $50 million dollars in debt, Toni Braxton?? Well, according to Splash News, “her list of creditors include jewelery store Tiffany’s, high end hotels like the Peninsula and the Westin, and LA’s Parking Violations Bureau.” How many PARKING TICKETS did TONI BRAXTON rack up?! Do you understand how many times you would have to double park in order to get even a million dollar’s worth of parking tickets?

And what the F*CK was she buyin’ at TIFFANY’S (–Chris Rock) that she spent nearly $50 million?? Did they find the Heart of the Ocean? The No Hope Diamond?

I mean, really: I just plunked down $800 for a sofa and the same amount for a new TV and am borderline having a stroke. (I am also poor by Braxton standards, but still.) Seriously, Toni Brax, this isn’t even the first time you’ve filed for bankruptcy! For real, girl, just stop buying things. That, or,you know, have another 500 or so hit #1 singles.

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