Courteney Cox Arquette Offered $1 Million To Be Official Queen Of The Cougars

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The ink has barely dried on David Arquette’s thousands of apology letters and already the cougar community is roaring to claim wife Courteney as their queen. Following the news of their separation, Courteney Cox Arquette was offered a $1 million contract to represent CougarLife.com, a dating site for older lady “cougars” looking for younger male “cubs” and oh god, is that Aunt Karen on here?! Considering the couple is not technically divorced yet, we doubt Courteney will go for it. And guys, didn’t she just say she didn’t want to be anybody’s mother? We know this isn’t exactly the same, but we’re sure Freud would say we’re close.

The contract, should she sign it, would require Courteney to voice 12 radio ads, appear in 4 TV ads, and make at least 30 public appearance over the course of the year. Dang, that’s a lot of work! We though cougaring was all about squeezing into leopard skin dresses and chugging mai tais. Who knew? We say go for it, Courteney. The worst that could happen is that you’ll make a million dollars. Besides that, you’ll be helping people like your friend whose name rhymes with Shmennifer Shmaniston find hot young studs to be dumped by.