If you have a wiener, you need’ll to be seated or lying down to read this post, as you will probably slip into unconsciousness during the first paragraph. In a Vanity Fair article about his new movie Jackass 3-D, Johnny Knoxville admits that years of penis-punishing pranks have caused some damage in his bathing suit area….like, serious damage. Says Knoxville of his meat and two veg, “It’s just like a dog’s chew-toy down there. I broke my penis about three years ago trying to backflip a motorcycle. So that did’t help its appearance, although it’s pretty cute. I still have to use a catheter twice a day and it’s been three years now.” TWO TIMES A DAY?!? We just left our bodies and floated up onto the ceiling, that’s how painful that sounds.
Explains Knoxville, “No, I can piss without it. I just have to keep the scar tissue from constricting down there. It looks like a sock that’s lost its elasticity. You know the kind that droop around your ankles? That’s what my penis looks like.” Whose socks look like that?!?! Throw those socks away and get new ones! We have to say though, the Jackass guys have always been the only TV and film stars we think really earn their money. Are Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise risking a torn scrotum or life-long catheter use with their movies’ stunts? No. No, they are not.
However, as Jackass 3D co-star Bam Margera points out, junk-related stunts aren’t all bad: “I think the only one who came out ahead in this movie is Chris (Pontius). He did a skit called “The Helicockter” where he tied a string to his penis and the other end was attached to a remote-control helicopter. It ripped off so hard, he said he gained a few inches.” Do not do that at home, you guys. No woman in the world cares about size that much.
[Photo: Getty Images]