The nation mourns today after Kim Kardashian declared herself “too old” to pose nude, leaving the country”s horny distraught and left to paw the dozens of naked pictures Kardashian has already done. Following her 30th birthday last Thursday Kim sighed, “I don’t know [if I’ll pose nude again]. I’m too old for that now…I wanted to get it all out of my system before I turned 30.” Because as everyone knows, on the strike of midnight on your 30th birthday, your hair turns gray, your teeth become loose, and your monumental butt drops like two bowling balls released from the top of the Empire State Building and comes crashing down onto the little waist-mounted cart you now have to wheel it around. That happened to you guys too, right?
Luckily for fans and historians alike, Kardashian was thoughtful enough to plan ahead and record herself in the all together for all time in Playboy, a sex tape, this month’s infamous W magazine shoot and, most likely, text messages to 80% of the NFL line-up. More interesting to Kim than her birthday suit is her growing fashion sense. Kardashian says her “style has evolved to be a little more sophisticated. It’ll probably just keep on evolving in that direction.” Unless of course…Kim thinks a thin layer of silver paint IS high fashion? If so, we can’t wait to see what 31 looks like!*
*Probably super naked.