America has been at a loss, picking up the pieces since it was announced a couple of months ago that Simon Cowell would not be returning to American Idol, but rather as a judge on another UK import called X Factor. X Factor is a show kind of like Idol, only with a lot more props and unattractive people. Anybody can make it on X Factor. The humbles. The poors. The unbreastimplanted. Susan Boyle. And the adorable and very crushable Matt Cardle.
But what you may not have realized is that America is one of the last countries to get their very own X Factor. In fact, 27 countries have already beaten us to the punch. One of those countries being Italy, a land known mainly for their pasta and mustaches.
Italy’s X Factor is the stuff that dreams are made of. Not only do the judges have really fun names to say in racist Italian accents – Mara Maionchi, Anna Tatangelo, Elio, and Enrico Ruggeri – but the contestants themselves are world’s more hilarious than ANYTHING we have to offer here in the States.
Take last year’s winner (only don’t, because we want him, at least for rom-com movie night and/or a gym buddy) Marco Mengoni. Marco is hot, humble, and most importantly, looks exactly like Sacha Baron Cohen.
Here he is singing the Michael Jackson classic “Man in the Mirror. Don’t fast forward through the opening set-up, because secretly, that is the best part. Specifically that dastardly judge:
He doesn’t speak English, does he?
Yes, the judges there jam out on old school headphones during the performances. And unlike the female judges in America and the UK, who hoist their chest up to right below their chins, the Italian women could care LESS about how they look. Check out these two ladies at the beginning of Mario’s cover of “Kiss,” who threw on their best parkas and smallpox blankets for a quick interview.
Also, Marco wears leggings:
In his cover of “Psycho Killer,” Marco took the part very seriously, dressing like an actual psychotic killer, albeit a hot one from Williamsburg. And in case that wasn’t obvious enough, there are helpful arrows on either side of him that say “Psycho” and “Killer.” Now is probably a good time to bring up the fact that he’s only “aight” as a singer… but “fantastic” as a lithe Italian.
What have we learned from these videos? Mainly, that you don’t need to speak Italian to really and truly enjoy “X Factor: Italy.” And that Marco Mengoni is our favorite not-great singer singer on Earth.