PETA Offers To Pay Lindsay Lohan’s Rehab Bill For A Terrible Price: VEGANISM!

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lilolawyermain

PETA is up to it’s fame-whoring shenanigans again…and this time they want to take Lindsay Lohan down with them. Taking a break from covering Pam Anderson’s melons with…well, melons, or otherwise encouraging naked celebrities to wear vegetables for animal rights, PETA has offered to pay for Linday Lohan’s rehab stay if she eats vegan for a year. Lindsay claims that she cannot pay the $50,000 needed for rehab at Betty Ford, and PETA said they would pony up for a year of no meat or dairy…to the tune of $20,000. Wow, now that a drug-addicted celebrity is being forced to become a vegan for money, suddenly we want to do it too! We’ll just throw these breakfast sausages in the trash! Just kidding. We will kill a man if he touches our breakfast sausages.

A PETA rep explained, “After learning that Lindsay Lohan has fallen on tough economic times, PETA offered to help pay her rehabilitation bill as she recovers from substance addiction—that is, if she gives up one more toxic substance: meat. (In the U.S., eating animal-derived products exposes diners to antibiotics, pesticides, E. coli, fecal matter, and other potentially harmful substances.)” So the cocaine, alcohol and amphetamines, not so much worried about those? We guess they’re probably vegan…right?

Even stranger, Lindsay might actually do it! “It’s something she’s seriously considering,” says Lohan’s attorney Shawn Chapman Holley. But really, how in the name of seitan with brown rice and a side of steamed broccoli are they going to prove Lindsay doesn’t just wait until midnight to covertly wolf down a package of Slim Jims? Unless there’s a SCRAM bracelet that can detect meat sweats? A HAM bracelet, if you will. Oh, but Lindsay can just claim someone spilled a Reuben on her leg and then we’re back to square one. [Photo: Getty Images]