Lynn, drunk and smoking a cigarette, told paparazzi outside LA restaurant Beso, “Audrina is going to f***ing rise. She’s got class. She’s a Polish, Catholic, f***ing full-on Italian. Not only that, she was raised right. And I don’t give a s***t. It’s all American.”
Spoiler: The leitmotif throughout this video is America. And one assumes Lynn’s love of America. So that’s nice, in that I don’t want to be American anymore. This was the last straw. It actually occurs to me that the cast of Dancing With The Stars and their moms makes me want to defect*. So, anyway, you can watch this. If you want to. But if you suffer from any form of second-hand embarrassment, it’s going to be really hard. Very uncomfortable. Also, it’s 5 effing minutes long. That is so effing long. As an antidote, I recommend you immediately watch Friday Night Lights co-stars Michael B. Jordan and Aimee Teagarden speak charmingly and articulately about The Best Show On Television and that stupid Glee porny GQ photo shoot. So have that ready. Like a cleansing eye wash. Ugh. You still want to watch? Fine. Here you go.
“We’re all American! Booyah!” My God. My. God. I’m sorry, Audrina. This reminds me of when my friend’s mom would hang out with us and she would be drinking a fishbowl size glass of Pinot Grigio and start talking about what an a-hole her ex husband was and though that was embarrassing, it was in a contained environment. However, apparently the Patridge family is going to have a reality show? So this is like a sneak peek? And Audrina must know that this is how her mom acts? Cool. I’ll FOR SURE have my DVR set to NOT that when I’m living in Estonia. Booyah!
* Jennifer Gray is great and I’m sure her mom is great. And I couldn’t name you another contestant besides Bristol Palin. So there you go.