If Charlie Sheen And Brooke Mueller Can’t Make It Last, Who Can?

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Well, it’s official: Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from Brooke Mueller. And here we thought that having despite his holding a knife to her throat, their separate stints in rehab, and his coke-fueled porn-star bender they might work things out. Sheen and Mueller reportedly signed divorce papers back in May, but Charlie only now has officially filed them. He is allegedly trying to keep things quiet, as he doesn’t want any dirty laundry aired on Mueller’s upcoming reality show (because, sigh, that’s apparently really happening).

More hilarious though is the fact that Sheen plans to seek joint custody of their twin sons, Max and Bob. Because there’s nothing like absolutely ruining your reputation on Tuesday and then trying to prove you’re a stable, decent parent on the following Monday. Mueller has filed a separate petition for primary custody. Ugh, we pity these poor kids, having these two as your only options for parents. Anyone opposed to gay marriage or adoption, please look no further than these two clowns as an example of why the straights are making a mockery of your cause. These two are the worst.

Under the current settlement, Sheen will pay $55,000 a month in child support in addition to a lump sum of nearly $2 million. So, you know, a week’s salary from Two And A Half Men.