A Collective “Duh” Fills The Air As Speidi Admits They Faked Divorce To Get Reality Show

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In news that will only shock and scandalize the grandmas of the world,  Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag admit they faked divorce proceedings in the hope of getting a British reality show.  The couple’s decision to fake-destroy man’s most sacred bond corresponded conveniently with an offer from British TV network ITV to cover the split, prompting them to move to Costa Rica, ostensibly so they could shoot scenes without passerbys constantly booing them. Says Spencer, “The divorce was real – just the idea behind it was different than most people’s.” These two can get married and gay couples can’t, everybody. Think about that next time you vote.

Unfortunately for…well, no one actually, the TV offer fell apart and Speidi were stuck with their dumb ol’ functional relationship…and not much else. Explained Spencer, “Divorcing was the only way to keep Heidi’s career going because everyone hated me so much. Look at Sandra Bullock – her divorce from Jesse James was the best thing to happen to her image.” Right, it wasn’t the years of popularity, dozens of films or the OSCAR FOR BEST ACTRESS that boosted her image; it was her husband screwing around with a neo-Nazi nudie model. The difference between Sandra and Heidi, however, is that Bullock eventually dumped the scumbag. Something to think about, both of you. Something to think about, America.