Conan Wants Tom Hanks, Celebs To Keep Their Mouths Shut About Their Dumb Movies

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In an interview that makes us wonder if he wakes up with a tall glass of gin in his hand, Conan O’Brien bans actors from his new late-night show, saying “No actors, no actresses…I want to talk to people who are good at a craft, people who work with their hands.” What? No celebrities? Sorry, but we are not stay up past our bedtimes to see Coco interview a master electrician or quilt maker about how fascinating their jobzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Says O’Brien,”Will I bar Tom Hanks from the set? No, I will not. He can come, but he’s not allowed to talk about his project. He’s gonna keep his f**king mouth shut about his project.” Awww! Hanks is probably sitting at home with tears streaming down his face as we speak. But seriously, you’ll have actors on the show but they CAN’T talk about their movies? Just wait until you’re stuck chatting with Jessica Alba about woodworking or watching Megan Fox use a lathe,  then you’ll be reviewing that policy right quick.

As harsh as his new show rules might sound, Conan is fortunately willing to make things a little more interesting:  “If Jim Carrey or Tom Hanks accidentally mentions his project, I think the viewer should be compensated in some way. That would be a way to turn this economy around.”  And…we’re back on board! Can we somehow modify our TVs so money shoots out when a celebrity breaks the rule? Conan, you stock the first episode with simpletons (seriously, is Megan Fox available?!?!) and we’ll stand in the living room with a pillow case held open like it’s Halloween. Unless…oh no, is Conan joking? But…but…but that’s the way television was always meant to be seen! [Photos: /WireImages]