The Walking Dead Episode 2 Recap: These Dead Were Made For Walking


This is a Recap of AMC’s The Walking Dead, Episode 2, entitled “Guts”. It is full of guts, both literal and figurative (though the figurative guts result in many literal guts.)

As Episode 2 kicks off, Grimes is right where we left him, trapped in a tank surrounded by zombies and being ridiculed by a voice over the radio — this is where we get the expression “I’m really trapped in a tank surrounded by zombies,” which we should all start using now. The voice tells Grimes he only has one option: To make a run for it while the zombies are still distracted by horsemeat (what is this, the zombie 1950s?)

Grimes asks “What’s your name?” The voice responds “I don’t have time to answer that question, you have to go now.” Grimes answers “It would’ve taken you way less time to just say your name.” The voice responds “Now we’ve wasted even more time.” Grimes is like, “Fine, I’ll just call you Voice-O. See how stupid that sounds? You should’ve just said your name.” The voice is like, “You’re going to get eaten by a bunch of zombies.” Grimes is all, “Oh, right.” He makes a run for it.

Time to ask the question: D-D-D-does he have it?

Does Grimes make it? Or does the series end? Find out after the jump:

Grimes gets eaten. Credits. The remaining episodes will only come out on DVD, and they’re just 3 hours of Grimes getting eaten then a full hour of his skeleton sitting there while racism occurs around him unchecked.

Actually, Grimes makes a successful break, scoring more headshots than a modeling agency (that was the zombie apocalypse of jokes) and runs into Glenn, the ex pizza delivery driver who ridiculed him into making a break. He and Glenn run down an alley and climb a ladder, narrowly escaping the zombie horde and introducing a new zombie rule:

How did Glenn get to the front of the alley to wait for Grimes without the zombies smelling him and chasing him before Grimes got there? We’ll give the show a Zombie Mulligan on that plothole.

Glenn brings Grimes to a department store where a group of other survivors is holed up, and when a couple zombie stragglers confront Grimes and Glenn at the entrance, they’re saved by a lucky mob beating:

Grimes is welcomed into the Bus-from-Speed-diverse group by Andrea, an angry woman who holds a gun to his head and blames him for dooming them all by giving away their position to the zombies. Sure enough, the zombie masses are instantly bombarding the department store window:

The survivors need to act quickly, cause those zombies aren’t gonna take all of eternity to break through the glass, just most of it. Grimes and Co. run to the roof where they meet Dixon, one of the most believably well-rounded characters ever created for the purposes of instant, random conflict.

Group member T-Dog yells at Dixon for shooting at zombies, saying “We didn’t put you up on the roof with a loaded sniper rifle to shoot stuff! You were supposed to be rehearsing the ’21 Guns’ number for your American Idiot musical audition, which will resume as soon as this zombie holocaust is over!”

Dixon doesn’t take kindly to T-Dog’s suggestion, and a fight erupts:

Grimes subdues Dixon and handcuffs him to a pipe on the roof. Dixon then calls Andrea “Sugartits,” just in case his irredeemable prejudice wasn’t established enough. Dixon then adds, “You know who else I hate? Retards. None of them here, but still, f*ck em.”

Grimes notes that the radio signal is “Like Dixon’s brain – weak” (ZING! You met the dude three seconds ago and you’re already ripping on him? Who is truly the prejudiced one here? Answer: Still Dixon, but by marginally less now.) They need to devise another escape route, and former city employee Jacqui who’s seen Ninja Turtles suggests the sewer system. Glenn volunteers to try the sewer system, which he knows quite well from his pizza delivering days because he was a really bad pizza deliverer.

Glenn and Morales descend into the sewer, but run into a thick grating blocking their passage and decide the pipes aren’t a viable escape option. At least there isn’t a zombie down there eating ratssssOHHHMMMMYGGGGGOD:

Back to the drawing board. This zombie apocalypse ain’t gonna un-apocalypse itself.

After a commercial, AMC reminds us that viewer discretion is advised:

The “Sexual Situations” actually refers to this episode’s cold open, which I skipped over initially because it was semi-uneventful, but which featured Lori Grimes and Rick’s former partner Shane meeting up in the woods to have sex. Good thing they’re both characters, or they’d both be super f***ing dead right now. They’d be so dead, they’d have their own Walking Dead spinoff show called Super F***ing Dead, in which they’re just really really super f***ing dead. But they’re important, so the sex goes off without a hitch. Well, Shane awkwardly notices Lori’s pendant and her “I Still Heart Rick” boardwalk t-shirt, but the slight pause is a preferable alternative to getting eaten by zombies, of which there are many.

Back at Atlanta Zombie Store, Grimes devises a new plan to really push the envelope of basic cable gore: Because the zombies use smell to detect the dead from the living, if the living people cover themselves in a bunch of zombie entrails, they’ll smell just like the walking dead. Grimes throws on one of AMC’s leftover lab suits and gets to work:

Before he hacks the zombie corpse to pieces, Grimes goes through his wallet and reads off facts from the man’s driver’s license, because after all, that man was once a real human being. Yup, a real human being who Grimes initially had absolutely no reservations about shooting in the f***ing head. Where’d this fake-ass conscience come from? I’ll give the show the benefit of the writing doubt and say that Grimes’ manufactured conscience was, in fact, a deliberate and non-genuine attempt to ground himself amidst the nonstop horror, which is an interesting detail. Now onto the endless gut-chopping scene!

I’m pretty sure the scene where Grimes chops up the dead zombie and the people smear themselves with entrails is still occurring. It seriously lasted for like half the episode, as though they shot multiple takes of every actor pulling entrails out and smearing themselves but were like “we’ll cut that down later, just want to get everyone” then ended up using all 30 minutes of zombie entrail smearing footage. There was even a 10-second break in the middle of the half hour announcing “This way too long zombie entrail smearing brought to you with limited commercial interruption by Dodge, your official vehicle for smearing zombie entrails on yourself or driving.”

Back on the roof, Dixon tells T-Dog “Sorry about that fight, N-Word – if you let me out of these cuffs, I’ll totally make it worth your while. How does…FIFTY DOLLARS sound? Ahhh, forgot, it’s the zombie apocalypse and nothing has any value whatsoever anymore. Carry on. Kikes control the banks.”

T-Dog and Morales make successful radio contact with Shane’s group of survivors, but when they hang up, Shane tells his followers that they can’t risk going after the Atlanta survivors because the town is overrun by like a billion zombies that will eat them. Amy is distraught by Shane’s obvious correctness, because her sister is trapped in the city with Grimes and Co., but, judging by the “scenes from next week’s episode” clips, Shane’s group is in fact gonna try to rescue the survivors in Atlanta. Hope Grimes and his wife don’t see each other, cause that’d be like Awkward Citaayyy. But I’m betting they’ll never meet up in this entire series.

Having sufficiently covered themselves in hands and sh*t, Grimes and Glenn stumble out of the department store doing their best zombie impressions:

The plan appears to be working, which is a good thing, because otherwise Grimes and Glenn would’ve been eaten by zombies instantly. They make their way towards the key to a van to rescue the others, and it looks like they’re home free, as long as they can deal with the zombie strangers’ poor space-giving skills:

“What’s the deal with those zombies that just hang over your shoulder when you’re walking down the street? Have you seen these undead people? At least wait til I’m reading a newspaper on a zombie bus, am I right?” – Zombie Seinfeld

Just when it looks like the last ten minutes of the episode are gonna be far calmer than the crazy last ten minutes of the premiere, the last ten minutes turn hypercrazy — it begins to rain, and the smell of pounds and pounds of zombie blood, limbs, and entrails begins washing off the companions, as the smell of zombie blood, limbs, and entrails tends to do.

Oh no, the zombies are catching on!!!

“The smell is washing off!” says Glenn. “No it’s not” says Grimes, “A little rain could never undo the smell of goddamn zombie entrails that we smeared on ourselves.” Ooop! Glenn was right! A zombie takes a swipe at Grimes and the chase is on.

Grimes shoots a bunch more zombies, hops a fence with Glenn, then steals a red sports car and throws Glenn behind the wheel to use the car alarm sound to attract the zombies away from the department store loading dock, marking the first time anyone has responded to a car alarm, undead or otherwise. Grimes grabs the key, hops in the van, and swings by to rescue the non-racist others.

On the roof, T-Dog goes to unlock Dixon and drops the key down a drain in slo-mo, then doesn’t come back to rescue him with the hacksaw. OH NO! Now who’s the racist? Again, still Dixon. But what a d*ck move! Good thing there’s no way Dixon will return later in the season and be really furious at the survivors for how they treated him. I’m sure he’ll accept their apologies and be like “Water under the bridge, you dagos.”

But wait, one more thing – We know Racist McRoundedcharacter is stuck on the roof, but where’s Glenn?

Oh, Glenn. You are so Glenn.

The Walking Dead Episode 2 thoughts? Favorite/least favorite parts? Thoughts on the series so far? Leave ‘em in the comments.

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