Studio Evacuated As Bristol Palin Receives Envelope Full of White Powder

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When Bristol Palin’s dance routine sent some guy into a shotgun fueled rage last week, we could kind of see where he was coming from. But why someone would now send Bristol a threatening letter laced with a suspicious white powder is totally beyond us.

The LAPD and FBI Hazardous Materials agents were called to the Dancing With The Stars headquarters on Saturday to investigate a piece of hate mail addressed to the junior Palin that contained white powder. A portion of the studio offices were evacuated soon after as a precaution. “Measures were taken to secure the area and ensure the safety of personnel,” said ABC officials in a statement. “Ultimately, we were advised by the LAPD that the substance was determined to be talcum powder.”

Outside of a zombie musical, dancing and hazmat suits are two things that rarely go together. It pains us to do this, but as fellow terrible dancers we feel the need to come to Bristol’s defense. Instead of sucking face, we spent most of our prom apologizing to our date for constantly stepping on her feet (true story). This is precisely why we haven’t willingly danced since. Bristol should have probably done likewise, but still…this is all a bit much.

So we would like to make a public service announcement directed to anyone planning to shoot their TV, mail poisonous letters, throw flaming tap shoes through Bristol’s window, etc: Dancing With The Stars DOES NOT MATTER. Although it requires voting, it is not a real election (we’re looking at you, Tea Party-ers). She is just a twenty-year-old fame whore. Would you send an envelope full of white powder to Heidi Montag? OK, bad example.

If (and we mean if ) the whole Tea Party conspiracy is true, do you really think Dancing With The Stars will help further their agenda If they want their message to be “We vote for people who suck badly at what they do,” we’re totally fine with that. Now let’s all put on some ABBA and relax with a solo dance party. Don’t worry, we’re not watching.

UPDATE: ABC is reporting that the set of Dancing With The Stars is in lockdown tonight, with Bristol being placed under maximum security. “Nowhere in the world is going to be more secure than the Dancing set on Monday,” a source told Popeater. “The audience will all go through extreme security checks and not even the president of the United States could get backstage without the appropriate credentials that evening.”

When did DWTS become The Olympic Games? So much drama for just a dance competition. And yet, still not enough to get us to watch. But hang in there, Bristol.