Ke$ha’s Ideal Man? A Homeless Lumberjack Holding A Bag Of Quarters

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AKA, exactly what you’d think Ke$ha’s boyfriend would be like. Throw a fetish for spare change on top of it, and you have…well, you still have the kind of weird ish we assumed girlfriend would be into. You might think we already know everything we’d want to know about Ke$ha’s dating life (Ugh, sorry), but in her new Complex interview, Ke$ha explains her ideal man is “Like a big bearded guy with a bag of quarters. I think it’s some weird pirate fantasy that was unfulfilled in a past lifetime.” Right, because when historians use the term “pirate,” they actually mean “unkempt hipster with a sandwich baggie full of coins.”

But what else, the interviewer asks, would he have to have to win Ke$ha’s heart, besides a Paul Bunyan face and enough money to purchase a pack of Ramen? “You would also have to have a big dick, and I don’t really know anything about that. Then you’re probably good to go.” So just to be clear, all you need to be Ke$ha’s ideal man is: a disgusting, matted face rug, bus fare, and a giant wiener. Though we’re going to go ahead and assume she’d be willing to settle for just the quarters. Possibly the wiener. [Photo: Getty Images]