The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
The third installment of the popular bloodsucking series kicks off with some explosive developments. Chaste Edward (dreamy Robert Pattinson) finally proposes to Bella (lip-biting Kristen Stewart). It looks like the toothsome teens are set to begin a life of undead bliss together, but the flame-haired Victoria still has a wooden stake to grind. She assembles an army of vampires to guarantee Bella sulks her last sulk. Reinforcements are called in, meaning Edward must team up with lovesick hairball Jacob (a Herculean Taylor Lautner). The film never rises above the artistic level of an episode of Seventh Heaven and the dialogue would shame a greeting card, but the three leads do their best to invest the material with a necessary heartbeat. When Bella asserts her right not to choose between her ying-yang twins, Twilight shows its real strength. It’s a definitive primer into the teen-male mentality, but with an intensely romantic worldview. Whether snuggling up to prevent hypothermia or giving blood to insure the dead live on, these kids really love each other. Eclipse finally makes The Notebook look like a Katherine Heigl comedy—and it boasts more shirtless dudes than a gay Tumblr feed. Get out your handkerchiefs.
Extras: Lovebirds Pattinson and Stewart contribute a commentary track, as does Twilight author Stephanie Meyer. There’s also a six-part making of doc, deleted scenes, and playback features tailored so Team Edward and Team Jacob can sigh at their heroes.
- By C. Bottomley